From a modern classic, this collection of Wedding Crashers quotes is sure to make you laugh, and maybe believe in love again.
“Life is a party. Crash it.”
The tag line for the 2005 comedy film directed by David Dobkin says it all. After all, what is the point of life if not to have fun?
The film stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn who crash weddings in order to score free booze, pick up women, and have a good time. It’s a film that is filled to the brim with hilarious one-liners and quotes that will make us laugh our pants off.
Take a gander at these funny quotes from Wedding Crashers and let us know which one made you laugh the most!
Also check out these memorable quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Best Wedding Crashers quotes and one liners
1. “I’m sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don’t even know what that meant.” – John Beckwith
2. “Wow, getting a nice preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner here.” – Jeremy Grey
3. “I’m a little too traumatized to have a scone.” – Jeremy Grey
4. “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!” – Mrs. Kroeger
5. “Mom! The meat loaf!” – Chazz Reinhold
6. “Make me a bicycle, clown!” – Child at wedding reception
7. “Yeah! Crab cakes and football. That’s what Maryland does!” – Flip
8. “I almost nunchucked you; you don’t even realize!” – Chazz Reinhold
9. “What are you doing? It’s a game of touch football, every time I look over, you’re on your ass again.” – John Beckwith
10. “Yeah, her boyfriend just died. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot.” – Chazz Reinhold
11. “Let’s play tummy sticks.” – Todd Cleary
12. “I feel totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn’t see me?” – Jeremy Grey
Crazy Wedding Crashers quotes
13. “Well snap out of it! What, a hot older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.” – Jeremy Grey
14. “You’re like that crazy guest who thinks he’s part of the family already.” — Claire Cleary
15. “Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I’ve seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!” —William Cleary
16. “Death, you are my b*tch lover!” – Todd Cleary
17. “Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.” – Jeremy Grey
18. “I made you a painting. I call it ‘Celebration.’ It’s sexual and violent. I thought you might like it.” – Todd Cleary
19. “Don’t ever leave me.” “Good. ‘Cause I’d find you!” – Gloria Cleary
20. “She’s fit for a straight-jacket. This broad’s fucked three ways towards the weekend. But you know what, father? I dig it! It turns me on.” – Jeremy Grey
21. “William doesn’t give a sh*t about my t*ts.” – Kathleen Cleary
22. “I felt like Jodie Foster in ‘The Accused’ last night.” – Jeremy Grey
You might also like our list of the best Blazing Saddles quotes.
Wedding Crashers quotes about being a player
23. “Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!” – Jeremy Grey
24. “I’m just warming up. Last week I did an exact [balloon] replica, to scale, of Wrigley Field. Honest to God. I don’t have anywhere to put it.”- Jeremy Grey
25. “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a bitch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!” – Jeremy Grey
26. “Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly pal.” – Jeremy Grey
27. “I am going to go dance with the little flower girl. Oh, and I might be a charter member of Oprah’s book club.” – John Beckwith
If you’re enjoying these quotes, check out our dance quotes to inspire you to get your body moving.
28. “Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac, look it up.” – Chazz Reinhold
29. “You motorboatin’ son of a b*tch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?” – Jeremy Grey
30. “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull’s eye.” – Jeremy Grey
31. “True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” – John Beckwith
32. “You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.” – John Beckwith
33. “Don’t waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.” – John Beckwith
More Wedding Crashers quotes
34. “Now Todd, it wouldn’t kill you to play some competitive sports, once in a while, would it?” – William Cleary
35. “Oh, that’s terrific! Why don’t you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning.” – Jeremy Grey
36. “A friend in need is a pest.” – Jeremy Grey
37. “I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?” – Jeremy Grey
38. “I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it.” – Jeremy Grey
39. “I got to get out of here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger.” – Jeremy Grey
40. “Who gives a sh*t? It’s a great band, it’s a bad band, it’s like pizza, baby.” – Jeremy Grey
41. “Get up, you’re making us look like p*ssies.” – John Beckwith
42. “Oh please! You and I both know I’m a phenomenal dancer!” – Jeremy Grey
43. “What are you going to do for an encore? Walk on water?” – John Beckwith
44. “That’s right. What am I thinking? I’m used to sailing Down Under with the Kiwis so everything’s backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it.” – John Beckwith
45. “All right I like my odds here. Let me give you a little warning, I’m going downtown. Look for me in the endzone after this play, I’ll be the guy holding the ball.” – John Beckwith
Don’t forget to also check out our list of the best Great Gatsby quotes on love and loss.
Which of these Wedding Crashers made you laugh the most?
Great comedy films are good for the soul and Wedding Crashers is certainly one of those. When Wedding Crashers was released in 2005, it became an immediate hit. Even the critics loved the film, and what’s not to love?
This quotable gem is both bawdy and sweet. In the fifteen years since its release, it has become a modern classic that we can re-watch again and again.
February 17, 2020 7:20 AM EST