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Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes to Make You Laugh

Share which of these Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes makes you smile in the comments below.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a modern American police comedy TV series created by Dan Goor and Michael Schur.

This series is set in the 99th Precinct of the New York City Police Department in Brooklyn and follows the story of an exceptional team of detectives headed by Captain Holt.

The series gave each cast their unique and iconic personalities, which makes each character memorable and exciting to watch. Using a single camera technique, the series successfully delivered quick comedy skits and hilarious set-ups one after the other.

These Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes will take you back to the most memorable and hilarious gags this series has to offer.

Don’t forget to also check out these funny Catastrophe quotes from the TV series.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Jake Peralta

1. “Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.” — Jake Peralta

2. “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt.” — Jake Peralta

3. “Fine, but in protest, I’m walking over there extremely slowly!” — Jake Peralta

4. “But my point is this: I don’t care what time it is. I’m always happy to be here. Nine-Nine! Nine-Niiine! A-Noine-Noine! I’m gonna keep doing it until you guys chime in. A-Noine-Noine!” — Jake Peralta

5. “Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.” — Jake Peralta

6. “What is the bandwidth on the Wi-Fi here? We have much content to stream.” — Jake Peralta

7. “We’ve busted murderers; we’ve taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer: the fire department.” — Jake Peralta

8. “Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.” — Jake Peralta

9. “Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.” — Jake Peralta

10. “I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be.” — Jake Peralta

11. “Actually, someone reported that they couldn’t find your head. But we found it; it was up your butt. You’re a fireman; you should know how to treat that burn.” — Jake Peralta

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12. “I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame.” — Jake Peralta

13. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen on this assignment, and if something bad goes down, I think I’d be pissed at myself if I didn’t say this. I kinda wish something could happen, between us, romantic styles.” — Jake Peralta

14. “This whole place reeks of bacon. Well guess what? I’m going kosher. Cause Jakey don’t dig on swine!” — Jake Peralta

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Sergeant Terry Jeffords

15. “I ate one string bean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

16. “Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay. And if I may do a third toast, it’ll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

17. “I’m playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I’m hydrated as hell, and I’m listening to Sheryl Crow. I’ve got my own party going on.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

18. “I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster. Little fools.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

19. “You don’t care who you piss off, do you?” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Captain Holt

20. “I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.” — Captain Holt

21. “Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?” — Captain Holt

22. “Actually, that’s exactly your place to say. You are my assistant. What, precisely, did you think your job was?” — Captain Holt

23. “But the fact that you’re not willing to give up in the face of adversity is inspiring. I love the Nine-Nine, and I’m not gonna turn my back on the squad.” — Captain Holt

24. “Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum. Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all. Never vacation in Banff.” — Captain Holt

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25. “Wait a minute, this isn’t the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you’re not Cheddar. You’re just some common bitch.” — Captain Holt

26. “Well done, detectives. That is if you were trying to disappoint me.” — Captain Holt

27. “Let’s not overlook the fact that he turned his crime scenes into tea parties for dollies.” — Captain Holt

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Gina Linetti

28. “The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.” — Gina Linetti

29. “If I die, turn my tweets into a book.” — Gina Linetti

30. “Captain, turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton RE: her sex tape.” — Gina Linetti

31. “OK, no hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.” — Gina Linetti

32. “With all due respect, that pigeon is clearly a Ray J. Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 Emoji.” — Gina Linetti

33. “This man is a Timberlake and you need to stop treating him like a Fatone.” — Gina Linetti

34. “It’s Gina’s phone. Leave me a voice mail. I won’t check it ’cause it’s not 1993.” — Gina Linetti

35. “Jake, why don’t you just do the right thing and jump out a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I’m mourning the death of a close friend.” — Gina Linetti

36. “You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.” — Gina Linetti

37. “You think you can just bully people, but you can’t. It’s not OK. I’m the bully around here. Ask anyone.” — Gina Linetti

38. “The only thing I’m not good at is modesty, because I’m great at it.” — Gina Linetti

39. “Captain? The kids want to know where Paulie the Pigeon is. I told them he got sucked up into an airplane engine. Is that all right?” — Gina Linetti

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40. “All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she would never be better than me.” — Gina Linetti

41. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to you accusing me of things I clearly did.” — Gina Linetti

42. “Every time you talk, I hear that sound that plays when Pac-Man dies.” — Gina Linetti

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Rosa Diaz

43. “So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.” — Rosa Diaz

44. “A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell.” — Rosa Diaz

45. “Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell.” — Rosa Diaz

46. “We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live.” — Rosa Diaz

47. “Thank you, Carlene. Your entire life is garbage.” — Rosa Diaz

48. “I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa. And one of those I regret.” — Rosa Diaz

49. “You’re under arrest for ruining something perfect!” — Rosa Diaz

50. “Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward.” — Rosa Diaz

Which of these Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes is your favorite?

It is noticeable how quickly each gag and setup are paced throughout the show, which works well with the audience creating an atmosphere of zero dull moments and absolute fun and laughter.

The show managed to capture high approval ratings throughout its run with each episode offering new value for the viewers in terms of comedy, drama and plot. Because of this, the show won various awards throughout its run and gained the praises of its fans worldwide, particularly on its brave take on the issues of corruption, racism, and inclusivity while retaining the comedic value of the show.

Share these Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes and sayings with your friends and invite them for a watch party next time.

Stephanie Kirby
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