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Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes to Make You Laugh

Share which of these Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes makes you smile in the comments below.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a modern American police comedy TV series created by Dan Goor and Michael Schur.

This series is set in the 99th Precinct of the New York City Police Department in Brooklyn and follows the story of an exceptional team of detectives headed by Captain Holt.

The series gave each cast their unique and iconic personalities, which makes each character memorable and exciting to watch.

Using a single camera technique, the series successfully delivered quick comedy skits and hilarious set-ups one after the other.

These Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes will take you back to the most memorable and hilarious gags this series has to offer.

Don’t forget to also check out these funny Catastrophe quotes from the TV series.

If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement. 

Look through our complete collection of inspirational quotes here.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Jake Peralta

1. “Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.” — Jake Peralta

2. “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt.” — Jake Peralta

3. “Fine, but in protest, I’m walking over there extremely slowly!” — Jake Peralta

4. “But my point is this: I don’t care what time it is. I’m always happy to be here. Nine-Nine! Nine-Niiine! A-Noine-Noine! I’m gonna keep doing it until you guys chime in. A-Noine-Noine!” — Jake Peralta

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5. “Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.” — Jake Peralta

6. “What is the bandwidth on the Wi-Fi here? We have much content to stream.” — Jake Peralta

7. “We’ve busted murderers; we’ve taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer: the fire department.” — Jake Peralta

8. “Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.” — Jake Peralta

9. “Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.” — Jake Peralta

10. “I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be.” — Jake Peralta

11. “Actually, someone reported that they couldn’t find your head. But we found it; it was up your butt. You’re a fireman; you should know how to treat that burn.” — Jake Peralta

12. “I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame.” — Jake Peralta

13. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen on this assignment, and if something bad goes down, I think I’d be pissed at myself if I didn’t say this. I kinda wish something could happen, between us, romantic styles.” — Jake Peralta

14. “This whole place reeks of bacon. Well guess what? I’m going kosher. Cause Jakey don’t dig on swine!” — Jake Peralta

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Sergeant Terry Jeffords

15. “I ate one string bean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

16. “Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay. And if I may do a third toast, it’ll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

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17. “I’m playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I’m hydrated as hell, and I’m listening to Sheryl Crow. I’ve got my own party going on.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

18. “I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster. Little fools.” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

19. “You don’t care who you piss off, do you?” — Sgt. Terry Jeffords

Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes from Captain Holt

20. “I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.” — Captain Holt

21. “Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?” — Captain Holt

22. “Actually, that’s exactly your place to say. You are my assistant. What, precisely, did you think your job was?” — Captain Holt

23. “But the fact that you’re not willing to give up in the face of adversity is inspiring. I love the Nine-Nine, and I’m not gonna turn my back on the squad.” — Captain Holt

24. “Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum. Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all. Never vacation in Banff.” — Captain Holt

25. “Wait a minute, this isn’t the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you’re not Cheddar. You’re just some common bitch.” — Captain Holt

Which of these Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes is your favorite?

It is noticeable how quickly each gag and setup are paced throughout the show, which works well with the audience creating an atmosphere of zero dull moments and absolute fun and laughter.

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The show managed to capture high approval ratings throughout its run with each episode offering new value for the viewers in terms of comedy, drama and plot.

Because of this, the show won various awards throughout its run and gained the praises of its fans worldwide, particularly on its brave take on the issues of corruption, racism, and inclusivity while retaining the comedic value of the show.

Share these Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes and sayings with your friends and invite them for a watch party next time.

Stephanie Kirby
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