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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes From the Holiday Comedy

These funny National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes are funny, and will take you back to Christmas in the 80s and have you rolling on the floor!

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a 1989 American family comedy film, and the third installment in the magazine’s Vacation film series, written by John Hughes.

Hughes based the film on his short story, “Christmas ’59”, which was published in National Lampoon.

Did you know that National Lampoon was a magazine; I always thought it was just the name of these movies!

The American humor magazine ran from 1970 to 1998, and spawned several movies, radio programs, live theater, and even books!

My husband, like many other people, considers National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation to be a classic Christmas movie.

The movie starts with Chicago-area resident Clark Griswold’s determination to have a great Christmas with his entire family.

A pretty typical American quest around the holidays; however, it doesn’t work out the way he envisions!

The Christmas classic was directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik and stars Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, and Randy Quaid. It received positive reviews and was a commercial success, grossing over $71 million in the United States.

Keep reading these National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes from Cousin Eddie, Aunt Bethany, and the rest of the Griswold gang!

Don’t forget to also check out these Polar Express quotes that will make you believe again.

Check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily inspiration.

Our inspirational quotes category page has all of our motivational quotes for all the different areas of life.

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Funny quotes from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

1. “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” — Ellen Griswold

2. “What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” — Grandpa Art

3. “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” — Uncle Lewis

4. “Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?” — Rusty Griswold

5. “I don’t want to spend the holidays DEAD!”  Ellen Griswold

6. “I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.”  Ellen Griswold

7. “Clark, were stuck under a truck!” — Ellen Griswold

8. “Get me somebody, anybody. And get me somebody while I’m waiting.” — Frank Shirley

9. “Better take a rain check on that, Art- He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.” — Cousin Eddie

10. “You ain’t never seen a set on a dog like this one’s got, Clark.” — Cousin Eddie

Best National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes from cousin Eddie

11. “And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark… something real nice.” — Cousin Eddie

12. “If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin that hockey player.” — Cousin Eddie

13. “If that thing had nine lives, he just spent ‘em all.” — Cousin Eddie

14. “I don’t know if I should do sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.” — Cousin Eddie

15. “Save the neck for me, Clark.” — Cousin Eddie

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16. “Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!” — Cousin Eddie

17. “They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.” — Cousin Eddie

18. “You about ready to do some kissin’?” — Cousin Eddie

19. “Clark, I’d like to try to fumigate this here chair, it’s a good quality item. If you don’t mind my askin’, how much did she set you back?” — Cousin Eddie

20. “That right there is a RV, I got it off my buddy, and I sold him my house for that right there vehicle.” — Cousin Eddie

21. “She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don’t know.” — Cousin Eddie

22. “Last season he was a pixie dust speaker on the Tilt-A-Whirl. He thinks that next year he’ll be guessing people’s weight or barkin’ for the yak lady.” — Cousin Eddie

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes from Aunt Bethany

23. “Is your house on fire, Clark?” — Aunt Bethany

24. “Don’t throw me down, Clark.” — Aunt Bethany

25. “Oh dear, did I break wind?” — Aunt Bethany

Which of these National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes is your favorite?

Some great moments from the movie include their mission to find the perfect tree.

Clark gathers his wife Ellen, daughter Audrey, and son Rusty and drives out to the country to find one.

They trudge through the snow for hours, and Clark picks out the largest tree he can find.

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However, he realizes they didn’t bring any tools, and the family uproots the entire tree, strapping it to their car.

Then there is the bickering amongst them all and the 25,000 light debacle.

Christmas Eve dinner is a mess, and Aunt Bethany’s cat gets electrocuted!

It’s no wonder it was the highest-grossing film in the series, until Vacation premiered in 2015.

Moments like this keep the audience laughing and thinking of their own holiday mishaps.

For me, that would be when I set the glass pyrex pan full of sweet potatoes on the hot stove, and it exploded like a bomb in my kitchen.

It’s why this movie is so relatable.

There is no such thing as a perfect holiday, and we all have a story!

Tell us about the funniest thing that has happened to you over the holidays, that seems movie-worthy!

Don’t forget to also mention any other favorite National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes and lines.

Danielle Dahl, Lead Contributor
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