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Memorable Madea Quotes About Life, Love, and Fun

This collection of the best Madea quotes will make you fall in love with the character again.

Mabel “Madea” Earlene Simmons is a beloved character created and portrayed by Tyler Perry. Based on his mother and aunt. People love Madea for being both endearing and tough.

This collection of Madea quotes is a great example of why this character is so popular. Madea is the star of several films, including Madea’s Big Happy Family and Boo! A Madea Halloween.

Although this Tyler Perry character is best known from the film franchise, Madea has also appeared in plays, tv shows, and books. This collection of Madea quotes will inspire you and fill you with joy.

Share these memorable movie lines with your friends and family to make them smile. Even if they haven’t seen the movies, these Madea quotes will make their day.

Memorable Madea quotes about life, love, and fun

1. “I’m Madea! Ma to the damn D-E-A!” – Madea

2. “You’re gonna wish that sperm did a backstroke when it met the egg that made you.” – Madea

3. “Now I got silver hair, but I got silver bullets, too. Do you want one?” – Madea

4. “You look like you came out of a box of chocolate Lucky Charms!” – Madea

5. “Love is stronger than any addiction, baby; hell, it is one.” – Madea

6. “If the parents were getting in charge of the children here, we wouldn’t be having all these issues.” – Madea

7. “These stretch marks are a road map to heaven, hell if you follow this GPS it’s gon’ take you somewhere you ain’t never been before’.” – Madea

8. “If you don’t back the hell up off me, I’ma beat you like the dude you look like!” – Madea

9. “I told you, you don’t know how to lie. What kinda lawyer don’t know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer… lie-awyer!” – Madea
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10. “You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today?” – Madea

Madea quotes that will brighten your day with a smile

11. “Put the shut, to the up. Okay? Shut to the up.” – Madea

12. “Cook a big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a frying pan. You gotta get you a good balanced weight, toss and swat, toss and swat, Venus and Serena, that’s called grit ball.” – Madea

13. “Girl, I will set it off up in here! I will do a drive-by in this church… she don’t know me! You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!” – Madea

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14. “God don’t like you… He grew you in a petri dish!” – Madea

15. “The hell’s wrong with these children today? But, all I set ’em straight. You know, I’m from the old school, and I will beat the hell out of you and ask questions later. If you don’t know how to get in line, I will get you in line.” – Madea

16. “No matter what is going on in your life, you can always count on the Lord… or somebody.” – Madea

17. “He had to make it drizzle ’cause he couldn’t make it rain.” – Madea

18. “In front of all these children? You want me to confess all my sins in front of these men, I can’t do that, I’ll have them blushing. You don’t know what I used to do back in the day, honey. It wasn’t fun. Bam!” – Madea

19. “I’ve never been scared of anything. I’ve been big all my life, I had to be brave. All my life I had to fight. I just ain’t ever planned on fighting in Brian’s house.” – Madea

20. “Drop the hammer on them. Them teenage years, hell. I’m telling ya, I keeps me a hammer.” – Madea

21. “Yeah, what do you mean “brownies for my brownie”? You trying to call me black or somethin’?” – Madea

22. “No, sit down. Do what you do best, sit down. Just stay right where you at. Just plant your ass right there in that chair. Every time I come here, you sittin’ in that chair. People waitin’ on their cars, you sittin’ in that chair. You supposed to be changin’ the oil, you sittin’ in that chair. Supposed to be changin’ the windshield wiper blades, you sittin’ in that chair. Supposed to wash the car, you sittin’ in that chair. Let me tell you something: when you die, tell them people to bury you on your stomach to give your ass a break!” – Madea

23. “That’s what I’m trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat him down 2 more feet.” – Madea

24. “I’m a trick, she’s a treat, now get the hell on.” – Madea

25. “It will look like you got legs running up your back when I get done whooping your ass.” – Madea

26. “Don’t cuss, Madea, you in a church, don’t cuss, Madea… bind you, cussing demon! Cussing demon, I bind you!” – Madea

27. “I don’t understand why people want to be a victim. Your mama did this, your daddy did that. All they had to do was give you life and however good or however bad it was, now it’s up to YOU to make something of it.” – Madea

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28. “God takes too long sometimes for me, I got to get got then.” – Madea

29. “This is what your daddy was trying to tell you, this is what I was trying to make you understand, little girl. Your parents ain’t lame because they say ‘don’t sneak out, don’t text and drive’, all that stuff is bad and you get people killed.” – Madea

30. “When a lady walk in you say “hellur!” Hellur?!” – Madea

Madea quotes to inspire and fill you with joy

31. “Bam, tinkling is for little people. Pissing is for big ass people like us!” – Madea

32. “Well when you gettin’ “got” and somebody done “got” you and you go “get” them, when you get ’em everybody’s gon’ get got.” – Madea

33. “I ain’t scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe. Call da po po hoe!” – Madea

34. “No, it ain’t the children, baby, it’s the parents. It’s the *damn* parents, the parents I don’t understand.” – Madea

35. “You don’t want to be walking around with a slingshot up your butt.” – Madea

36. “Hell to the yeah!” – Madea

37. “That’s right, that’s right. Whoop her. Baby, let me tell you something, I’m not telling you to go up there and abuse no child, even though I got a hammer in my purse, I’m just kidding about the hammer.” – Madea

38. “Exactly, how’s a man throw a woman out of her own house? No man would ever do that to me, he’d put me out half of the house, I’ll go live in the other half.” – Madea

39. “You’re in here going on about what your daddy did to you. Your daddy is out there enjoying his life while you’re in prison. You’re here because of what YOU did.” – Madea

40. “You can get it one of two ways. You can get it from his checking account voluntarily, or his insurance policy. Involuntary manslaughter. Which one is it gon’ be?” – Madea

Madea quotes to make your day brighter

41. “You lucky I didn’t shoot your ass!” – Madea

42. “Girl, that man owes you 64 billion, 283 million, 974 trillion, 5 thousand, and 20 dollars and 82 cents.” – Madea

43. “Your daughter is grown. Leave her alone.” – Madea

44. “Damn! Your mama must be one of them Housewives.” – Madea

45. “You ain’t gonna put me on no house arrest, honey. I ain’t gonna deal with that!” – Madea

46. “I tell you don’t be playing with me, little girl. That’s what you gonna look like, just like that damn skeleton on that card.” – Madea

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47. “But listen, what I’m trying to get you to understand is very very simple, son. Hear me clearly. A little love tap never hurt nobody.” – Madea

48. “I had to give up candy to get candy, that’s what I had to do.” – Madea

49. “I ain’t scared of nothing, I ain’t scared of nothing.” – Madea

50. “Sometimes getting saved is like a bad perm, Reverend. It just don’t take!” – Madea

Other memorable Madea quotes

51. “Hold on because somebody is screaming at me. I’m getting ready to choke the hell out of her.” – Madea

52. “You have the skill. What is more, you were born a woman, And women, though most helpless in doing good deeds, Are of every evil the cleverest of contrivers.” – Madea

53. “We must not think too much: people go mad if they think too much.” – Madea

54. “It is the thoughts of men that are deceitful, Their pledges that are loose.” – Madea

55. “The pain is good, as long as you’re not laughing.” – Madea

56. “Life is sometimes hard, and you have to laugh your way through it.” – Madea

57. “Of all creatures that can feel and think, we women are the worst treated things alive.” – Madea

58. “Just leave this child alone. She living her life. She happy out here in the farm playing Old MacDonald.” – Madea

59. “Old loves are dropped when new ones come.” – Madea

60. “Better a humble heart, a lowly life. Untouched by greatness let me live – and live. Not too little, not too much: there safety lies.” – Madea

What are your favorite Madea quotes that put a smile on your face?

It can be difficult to choose a favorite Madea quote since the character has gone on so many wild adventures and said so many memorable lines.

Do you have a favorite Madea movie that you quote from all the time? This list of Tyler Perry quotes from the Madea films is a collection of the best lines.

Many people have fond memories of watching the Madea movies with their friends or family. These Madea quotes will remind you why this Tyler Perry character is such a beloved icon.

It’s no surprise that audiences love Madea. This character has brought laughter and joy to millions of people. Share these Madea quotes with your loved ones to brighten their day with a smile.

What are your favorite Tyler Perry quotes and lines from the character Madea? Let us know in the comment section below.

Samantha Williams
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