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25 Ted Lasso Quotes From the American Sports Comedy

These Ted Lasso quotes will make you laugh, and inspire you to keep your head up when life gets challenging.

Ted Lasso is an American comedy series that can be watched on Apple Tv+.

It chronicles the misadventures of a small-time football coach.

Is Ted Lasso’s character based on a real person?

He is a fictional character but actor Sudeikis has stated that some story beats were inspired by Jürgen Klopp, who is a real-life Liverpool FC manager.

Ted Lasso, who coaches a small college football team is hired to coach a professional soccer team in England, even though he has no previous experience coaching soccer.

Ted is clearly out of his element and is learning things about soccer as he goes, which contributes to the humor of the show.

At the same time, the vulnerability and life struggles give each character depth and heart, making them feel real.

This show is definitely worth the watch, and has been green-lit for season 2!

Don’t forget to also check out these Coach Carter quotes from the inspiring sports drama.

The best Ted Lasso quotes about coaching and sports

1. “Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.” — Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso Quotes about wisdom

2. “Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this?” — Ted Lasso

funny Ted Lasso Quotes

3. “Coach. Football is life.” — Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso Quotes about football

4. “Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!” — Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso Quotes about winning

5. “If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers.” — Ted Lasso

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Ted Lasso Quotes about god

6. “When it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece.” — Ted Lasso

7. “Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.” — Ted Lasso

8. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside. It was the mob.” — Ted Lasso

9. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” — Ted Lasso

10. “Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart.” — Ted Lasso

11. Coach: “Manchester United. Super rich. Everyone either loves them or hates them.”

Lasso: “Dallas Cowboys.”

Coach: “Liverpool. Used to be great. Haven’t won a title in a really long time.”

Lasso: “Also the Dallas Cowboys.”

Funny Ted Lasso quotes

12. “Early drinkin’ means quick drunken.” — Ted Lasso

13. “How many countries are in this country?” — Ted Lasso

14. “That right there, that’s a scone. Tastes like a muffin except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.” — Ted Lasso

15. Rebecca: “Oh, do you believe in ghosts, Ted?”

Ted: “I do. But more importantly, I believe they need to believe in themselves.”

16. “I’m not exactly sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is over here, but that’s about how much headway I made.” — Ted Lasso

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17. “Well then by all means you should let them control you!” — Ted Lasso

18. “We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel.” — Ted Lasso

19. “Roy, I learned two pretty big lessons on the rough and tumble playgrounds of Bookridge Elementary School. One, if little Ronnie Fouch offers you a candy bar, you immediately say no and get the hell out of there cause there’s a good chance that little son of a gun has pooped inside of a Butterfinger wrapper. No one ever saw him do it, but a couple people ate it. Number two, teacher tells a bully not to pick on someone, it’s just gonna make it worse.” — Ted Lasso

20. George: “I love what you done with the place. Did you do it yourself, or did you get some pouf to help ya?”

Rebecca: “I could ask the same of your hair.”

21. “Siri! Call shithead!”  Rebecca

22. Rebecca: “Oh, that’s not a compliment I’ve had before.”

Keeley: “Yeah, you do have perfect, action-figurey arms.”

Rebecca: “Oh, there’s another one.”

23. Rebecca: “So, I spoke to the owner of The Sun.”

Ted: “You spoke to God?!”

Rebecca: “No, the newspaper.”

24. “I feel like I just fell out of the lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, and ended up in a pool of cash and sour patch kids.” — Ted Lasso

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25. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.” — Ted Lasso

Which of these Ted Lasso quotes is your favorite?

Did you watch this show weekly, or binge the whole series?

Either way, I am sure you had a good laugh!

If you haven’t seen it yet, you might want to get caught up.

Ted Lasso’s quotes and responses to tea were amusing, but there are so many lessons and laughs to be gleaned from this show.

Did you know that the show actually started as an NBC sports promo, before becoming a TV show?

NBC ran another set of promos the following year which went viral on YouTube, creating a strong fanbase right from the start!

The acting isn’t the only thing that is great, the music is wonderful too.

You might have noticed a familiar sound during the pilot episode.

Tom Hove and London-born Marcus Mumford (of Mumford & Sons) are the show’s music composers.

Sudeikis and Marcus met when Mumford & Sons played SNL back in 2012.

Did you enjoy reading these Ted Lasso quotes and lines?

What was your favorite episode of Ted Lasso?

Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Danielle Dahl, Lead Contributor
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