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Chris Rock Quotes from the Comedian and Actor

From comedian to movie actor, these Chris Rock quotes are sure to entertain.

Chris Rock was discovered at a young age by none other than comedy’s own, Eddie Murphy. And it wasn’t long before he was taking on roles in films but his career didn’t stop there.

From movies to TV, he’s no longer “just an actor”. He’s also a TV producer and filmmaker. He’s hosted award shows and won awards.

Regardless of what role he’s in, he’s sure to be bringing in his comedy and making people laugh.  If you need a break from life, enjoy these Chris Rock quotes.

Don’t forget to also check out these Kevin Hart quotes on success, family and work ethic.

Funny Chris Rock quotes

1. “I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.” – Chris Rock

2. “Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.” – Chris Rock

3. “Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.” – Chris Rock

4. “I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.” – Chris Rock

5. “Much like rock ‘n’ roll, school shootings were invented by the black man and stolen by the whites.” – Chris Rock

6. “Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn’t pay for the electricity, he’d pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.” – Chris Rock

7. “Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.” – Chris Rock

8. “Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.” – Chris Rock

9. “If a kid calls his grandma “Mommy” and his mama “Pam”, he’s going to jail!” – Chris Rock

10. “Women are like the police, they could have all the evidence in the world but they still want the confession.” – Chris Rock

11. “I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock

Wise Chris Rock quotes

12. “Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” – Chris Rock

13. “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” – Chris Rock

14. “Funny is only something that others know about you — you can’t be funny by yourself.” – Chris Rock

15. “No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.” – Chris Rock

16. “Listen to people that are smarter than you.” – Chris Rock

17. “With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” – Chris Rock

18. “When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.” – Chris Rock

19. “Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” – Chris Rock

20. “You get what you pay for.” – Chris Rock

Thought provoking Chris Rock quotes

21. “You can be anything you’re good at.” – Chris Rock

22. “A sense of humor is great – it goes a long way in a marriage.” – Chris Rock

23. “Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.” – Chris Rock

24. “I think my best work is when I’m kind of in charge.” – Chris Rock

25. “Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.” – Chris Rock

26. “Pretty girls have problems too.” – Chris Rock

27. “The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.” – Chris Rock

28. “Hollywood’s just not funny.” – Chris Rock

29. “You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.” – Chris Rock

30. “You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.” – Chris Rock

Chris Rock quotes about being a parent

31. “Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.” – Chris Rock

32. “Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.” – Chris Rock

33. “When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing – than being with your children. And I’ve never been with my kids and gone, ‘Man, I wish I was on my stage right now.’ I’ve never been with my kids and gone, ‘Man, it’d be so great if I was on a movie set right now.’ But I’ve been doing a movie and wished that I was with my kids, I’ve been on tour and wished that I was with my kids. Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing. It’s a privilege. It’s not something I call a sacrifice.” – Chris Rock

34. “[My daughter] had a basketball game; the coach didn’t put her in. It was a real close game, she’s not the greatest — didn’t put her in. My wife’s pissed off. I’m a little pissed but my thing is, ‘Hey honey, you know there’s a way to get in the game.’ I’m just saying. Some kids actually got in the game.” – Chris Rock

35. “Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio: Everything’s momma. What’s the daddy song? Papa Was A Rolling Stone.” – Chris Rock

36. “I’ve seen women who don’t have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.” – Chris Rock

37. “You’ve got girls so you might have to watch out. You might have to hurt somebody. If Lola came home and told me a guy hit her, I would get my gun and shoot the guy. I would put DNA on the bullet to make sure everybody knows I did it.” – Chris Rock

38. “Two kids are easier than one because they play together. When you’ve got one you’ve got to be the show. When you’ve got two you’ve just got to be the usher. They can play in the park while you’re reading the paper. ‘Hey hey hey! Get off her hair!’ Then you go back to reading. One kid is horrible. Have a bunch of kids or have none at all.” – Chris Rock

39. “Think about everything a real daddy does: pay the bills, buy the food, make your world a better, safer place. And what does daddy get for all of his work? The big piece of chicken. That’s what daddy gets.” – Chris Rock

40. “You don’t know how good you can be at anything until you have kids. My single friends, the three or four I have, they’re always like, ‘I don’t have enough money.’ I’m like, ‘Hey, have some kids, you’ll make money.’ There is something about kids that makes you make it happen … You’ve got a new scheme every day. There is no relaxing when you have kids.” – Chris Rock

41. “One of my daughters told me the other day, ‘Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy.’ I told her, ‘Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?’” – Chris Rock

42. “You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don’t have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.” – Chris Rock

More Chris Rock quotes

43. “If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it’s not that smart.” – Chris Rock

44. “If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.” – Chris Rock

45. “Nobody’s about saving anymore. No one cares about a rainy day anymore. Nobody saves up enough for even an umbrella for a rainy day. It’s sad. It really is a new form of slavery. We used to work to be able to afford material things. Now we work for these things. They’re the boss. That house you can’t afford, that car that’s out of your price range, that cellphone that drains your bank account – that’s your boss.” – Chris Rock

46. “Here’s the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it’s all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they’re not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.” – Chris Rock

47. “We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.” – Chris Rock

48. “I literally don’t know what I’m going to do next. That’s successful.” – Chris Rock

49. “Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.” – Chris Rock

50. “I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.” – Chris Rock

Which of these Chris Rock quotes is your favorite?

This year more than any other it seems that people need a good laugh. Life has been full of new stressors and sometimes it’s just nice to escape from the reality of our difficult situations and laugh for a while. Chris Rock has multiple movies and shows that can provide you that opportunity.

If you’re not used to his humor, be prepared as he doesn’t discriminate when passing out the laughs. If you want something light-hearted that you don’t have to think and stress about, check out the list of Chris Rock’s roles and find the one that sounds the best to you. Then, laugh away.

Which of these Chris Rock quotes and lines is your favorite? Do you have any other inspirational quotes to add? Let us know in the comment section below.

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