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64 Kenny Powers Quotes from Eastbound & Down

Fans of Eastbound & Down will enjoy these Kenny Powers quotes. Let us know in the comment what your favorite quote is from below.

Kenny Powers is a fictional character in the hit HBO television comedy series Eastbound & Down that was created by Ben Best, Jody Hill, and Danny McBride.

Played by Danny McBride, Powers is a world-famous baseball player who is known for his poor work ethic and short temper. His personality eventually took a toll on his professional career.

After savoring a career as a successful pitcher whose star lost its shine because of his temper, Powers ended up being a temporary physical education teacher.

This taught him many lessons in life while dealing with other characters’ own stories.

To know more about why this character is loved by many, check out these funny Kenny Powers quotes.

Don’t forget to also check out these Dr. Spencer Reid quotes that prove he’s an amazing character.

Best Kenny Powers Quotes and Lines About Playing

1. “Stay in school. Fight the power. Don’t do drugs. Unless, of course, you’re doing them with me.” – Kenny Powers

Kenny Powers Quotes about school

2. “I’m sober and ready to destroy the competitions.” – Kenny Powers

Kenny Powers Quotes about being sober

3. “There’s no better feeling than winning.” – Kenny Powers

Kenny Powers Quotes about winning

4. “If you’ve got something you want to say, then just say it.” – Kenny Powers

best Kenny Powers Quotes

5. “I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. F*ck this guy.” – Kenny Powers

Kenny Powers Quotes about sports

6. “Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions please. For those of y’all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as f*cked-up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball… not to… get back my old job… f*ck that noise.” – Kenny Powers

7. “Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every fuckin’ meal.” – Kenny Powers

8. “I’m sick and tired of carrying all the weight… the coaches and owners not giving me the sh*t I need to win. Atlanta, you’re fu*king out. Kenny Powers is now a free agent. Let’s find a bar and get sh*t-faced.” – Kenny Powers

9. “Kenny Powers is a man. Kenny Powers is an athlete. Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most he is, I mean, the thing that Kenny Powers is the most, is a goddamn champion.” – Kenny Powers

10. “Ask anybody out there, and they’ll tell you that the foundation of a great baseball player starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals: running, stretching, physical conditioning. These are the things that prepare your body for the many challenges a baseball player faces.” – Kenny Powers

11. “When my ass was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom.” – Kenny Powers

Funny Kenny Power Quotes

12. “How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head.” – Kenny Powers

13. “Toby, what do you want from me? I’ve been super cool to you. I’ve given you a bowl of Chex Mix and some water. Why are you making curses upon me? If I give you a toy, will that erase the curse?” – Kenny Powers

14. “Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!” – Kenny Powers

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15. “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.” – Kenny Powers

16. “Why give 100% when 35% will get you paid and laid.” – Kenny Powers

17. “Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me, OK?” – Kenny Powers

18. “In most of nature, the alpha is the strongest of the pack. Creature of immense strength, large in size, a leader from birth, hippos, bumblebees, Wayans brothers – most of the time, they just look to the biggest amongst them.” – Kenny Powers

19. “I can’t believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.” – Kenny Powers

Wise Kenny Power Quotes

20. “There have been many comebacks throughout history…Well, my comeback is almost complete, and I can say that, when it is complete, it will shake the pillars of this land or town.’” – Kenny Powers

21. “See, in life, when you have talent all the other s**t doesn’t matter. If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills, who would be on top then? The guy with the talent.” – Kenny Powers

22. “I learned a lot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April.” – Kenny Powers

23. “But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.” – Kenny Powers

24. “Chapter One, continued. More of what I was just saying…Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin’ about gettin’ in.” – Kenny Powers

25. “What is that smell?…What did you eat? Diarrhea?” – Kenny Powers

26. “Why would you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold. Instead you’re just a whore with a real whore’s heart.” – Kenny Powers

27. “OK, Toby, here we go, bud. We’re going to put you on the big people’s furniture. Try not to shit all over it, OK?” – Kenny Powers

28. “The good thing about getting over depression is…well…you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn’t an obstacle, just some people are.” – Kenny Powers

29. “A quest is nothin’ if you got no one to brag about it to, will never reach the end if you’re only doing it for yourself. Me, I’m doing it for a girl I had to leave behind just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she’ll understand, and when that day comes, it’s not too late.” – Kenny Powers

30. “A man fights and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for p*ssies. And my ass ain’t no p*ssy. My ass is a f*cking champion.” – Kenny Powers

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Other Memorable Kenny Power Quotes and Catchphrases

31. “Once upon a time, I believed in destiny, but now I say, F that B. Everything I have in this life, I earned myself.” – Kenny Powers

32. “I brought you guys up from less than f*ckin’ nothin’, and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there.” – Kenny Powers

33. “You know what? I can already tell that I don’t like you. And I’m probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. All right, anybody who wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, ‘cause I’m not watching.” – Kenny Powers

34. “Purity-it’s what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.” – Kenny Powers

35. “If there’s one thing I hate, it’s losing. If there are two things I hate, then it’s losing and getting cancer.” – Kenny Powers

36. “Sounds like Fifty Shades of Gross to me, motherf*cker.” – Kenny Powers

37. “Truth be told, things aren’t going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her p*ssy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy’s car, and now I’m probably a wanted fugitive.” – Kenny Powers

38. “Once again, I’m with the hottest chick in town, buyin’ the most expensive fashions, dinin’ in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddamn jet skis. Rainin’ trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin’ heat.” – Kenny Powers

39. “Cut to black. Audience goes f*cking apeshit.” – Kenny Powers

40. “How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head.” – Kenny Powers

41. “I paid cash for the motherf*cker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uh… self-help novel I’m about to have published onto the Oprah’s book clubs… Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested a lot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts.” – Kenny Powers

42. “Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit.” – Kenny Powers

43. “Everyone wanted a piece of my sh*t. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a f**king cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.” – Kenny Powers

44. “Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless.” – Kenny Powers

Inappropriate and controversial Kenny Powers quotes

45. “It’s like goddamn Cocktoberfest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright?” — Kenny Powers

46. “It’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy. It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.” — Kenny Powers

47. “I’ve been blessed with many things in this life—an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python, and the mind of a fucking scientist.” — Kenny Powers

48. “You can save us a lot of time with this fuckin’ pointless history lesson in this goddamn creepy, unimpressive, fuckin’ hall. I don’t like it in here. It’s gross.” — Kenny Powers

49. “I recognize your scent. Do you recognize my essence? Yeah? Yeah, that feels familiar? I think I’m going to need to change my pants. I’m just playing, I didn’t come in my pants.” — Kenny Powers

50. “Over the course of my career, I played on many different teams. Some I liked. Some I really fucking hated. I’m not mentioning any names, but let’s just say Seattle can tongue-kiss my shit hole.” — Kenny Powers

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51. “But, that’s not what I want. And I say fuck what these people want. I made a lot of mistakes on my return to superstardom. I screwed alotta pooches—I fucked alotta folks. I labored for far too long for lesser men.” — Kenny Powers

52. “Multi-million dollar deals. Endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my shit. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a fucking canon. But sometimes, when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.” — Kenny Powers

53. “Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball, I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.” — Kenny Powers

54. “People say, Kenny Powers is a woman-hater. That’s not true. I love women. Every fucking one of them, even the ugly as shit ones. But, don’t ask me to trust ’em. Not even nuns, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can’t fill.” — Kenny Powers

Witty Kenny Powers quotes

55. “I need you to score me some juice.” — Kenny Powers

56. “Shit, you can die from that?” — Kenny Powers

57. “The only job I got is teaching a bunch of pisspants how to tie their shoes.” — Kenny Powers

58. “I love how you’ve sexualized the food. This is perfect for a shopping mall.” — Kenny Powers

59. “Funny thing, when you’re on top of the world, every motherfucker wants to get a piece of your ass. But then, you take a little time off from being unstoppable just to regroup and relax, no one will give you the time of fuckin’ day.” — Kenny Powers

60. “I need to remember that I’m a winner, man. I need to remember that I am better than everyone else.” — Kenny Powers

61. “I heard that bullshit thrown at me all my damn life. You know what Kenny Powers says? Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless.” — Kenny Powers

62. “Know that you’ll never, ever reach the heights that you’re gonna reach tonight. But you can leave here knowing that you helped Kenny Powers’ dreams come true—for a bunch of Mexican baseball players, that ain’t too bad.” — Kenny Powers

63. “Cassie, big ups to you for being supportive. You’ve got much bigger balls than your husband does. Much better man than him.” — Kenny Powers

64. “You know me, Guy. I’m always ready to bust a nut on this television audience.” — Kenny Powers

Which of these Kenny Power quotes is your favorite?

Even when Kenny Powers lost his spotlight on the playing field, he was still able to welcome the change in his life. It also taught him to become more mature, less impatient, and learn from his other characters.

The experience helped him to improve more as a person, making people love him even more. Despite throwing bad temper tantrums at times, the audience saw the other personality of the fictional character.

Kenny Powers’ quotes may seem just funny, but by watching the HBO series and looking closely at where he came from as an individual, many will soon understand him.

Do you enjoy these Kenny Power quotes and lines? Which of the quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.

Stephanie Kirby
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