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The Golden Girls Quotes From One of America’s Favorite Sitcoms

These The Golden Girls quotes from Rose, Blanche, Dorothy, and Sofia are still timeless and funny!

As a young girl, I lived with my grandparents, and my grandma’s widowed friend, who moved in with us after the death of her husband.

Growing up in the late 80s and 90s, it was impossible to escape The Golden Girls mania, especially living with two senior citizen ladies who thought the show parodied their lives.

Even though I might have been a little young at the time for all the innuendos, I still recall laughing hysterically, along with the two golden girls who would crochet while they watched this show.

The show aired on NBC from September 14, 1985, to May 9, 1992, and ran 180 thirty-minute episodes. After that, you could catch episodes on Lifetime, CMT, and the Hallmark Channel.

If you want to stream them, you can find them on Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Vudu. If these Golden Girls quotes make you giggle, and you haven’t watched the series I highly recommend you do!

After all, a show with stars like Betty White, Estelle Getty, Bea Arthur, and Rue McClanahan is bound to be entertaining. Keep reading to learn more about what The Golden Girls so special.

Don’t forget to also check out these Betty White quotes on how to live a long, happy life.

Funny The Golden Girls quotes that will make you laugh

1. “Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.” — Dorothy

2. “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia

3. “Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?” — Sophia

4. “Oh, I remember when Stanley told me he was having an affair. It was at least 24 hours before I cut the crotches out of all his slacks.” — Dorothy

5. “She’s really a very sweet woman. She just doesn’t like to show it.” — Dorothy

6. “My son married a welder. Too bad she didn’t weld his zipper shut. They got ten kids they can’t afford.” — Sophia

7. “I thought I was gonna die. I swear I have never felt such agony. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes and I thought, ‘What a shame if I die now, I’m too young… and I’m wearing the wrong underwear.’” — Blanche

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8. “Eat dirt and die, trash.” — Blanche

9. “If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it.” — Sophia

10. “Want a glass of water to wash down your foot?” — Sophia

Silly The Golden Girls quotes from Betty White as Rose

11. “It’s like life is a giant weenie roast, and I’m the biggest weenie!” — Rose

12. “My mother used to say: the older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” — Rose

13. “It’s like we say in St. Olaf — Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund’s Day without the headless boy.” — Rose

14. “I know I look square, but I’m like my father’s tractor. I take a while to warm up, but once I get going, I can turn your topsoil till the cows come home.” — Rose

15. “I eat raw cookie dough. And occasionally, I run through the sprinklers and don’t wear a bathing cap. And at Christmas, I’ve been known to put away more than one eggnog.” — Rose

16. “As they say in St. Olaf: hergenbargenflergenflurfennerfen.” — Rose

17. “Dorothy, was Sophia naked just now, or does her dress really need ironing?” — Rose

18. “You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.” — Rose

19. “When I was a child, I used to get overexcited and pet the cat too much.” — Rose

20. “I can’t believe my mother is out riding around on a smelly old bus. Being pushed around, harassed, possibly even mugged by hostile teenagers with bad haircuts!” — Rose

21. “Please forgive me. It’s not my fault my cousins have been marrying each other for generations.” — Rose

22. “Tell me the truth: do these glasses make me look stupid?” — Rose

23. “It’s like you people don’t pay any attention to me whatsoever.” — Rose

24. “I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don’t wear too much makeup.” — Rose

The Golden Girls quotes from Rue McClanahan as Blanche

25. “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” — Blanche

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26. “Nobody ever believes me when I’m telling the truth. I guess it’s the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman.” — Blanche

27. “No one in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist… except of course, when they were institutionalized!” — Blanche

28. “Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?” — Blanche

29. “Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty… or was it a little floozy?” — Blanche

30. “I’ve been having a good time, and there wasn’t even a man in the room.” — Blanche

31. “I feel that you have backed me into a corner, and when I am backed into a corner, I come out fightin’ like a wildcat. Unless I’ve had too much to drink, in which case I slide down the wall and make mad passionate love on the carpet.” — Blanche

32. “My mistake. I thought since you look like Yoda you were also wise.” — Blanche

Wise and Witty The Golden Girls quotes from Estelle Getty as Sophia

33. “If I met a man who was over seventy but still looked half-way decent, I’d be on my back faster than you could say, ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!’” — Sophia

34. “I hate Jell-O. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.” — Sophia

35. “Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.” — Sophia

36. “Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppy. This ain’t gonna be no cakewalk!” — Sophia

37. “Please. Pay no attention to him. The man spent 90 days on the high seas drinking grain alcohol from a goat’s bladder.” — Sophia

38. “You know my motto. Today could be the last day of your life.” — Sophia

39. “Silly Rabbi, tricks are for kids.” — Sophia

40. “I’m an old white woman. I’m not supposed to have color. You want color? Talk to Lena Horne.” — Sophia

41. “After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone!” — Sophia

42. “My God, I’ve left brain cells all over the Eastern Seaboard.” — Sophia

Bitingly Sarcastic The Golden Girls quotes from Bea Arthur as Dorothy

43. “Rose, he left me 38 years later for a stewardess that he met on a business trip to Hawaii. It was her first flight. They said, ‘On arrival, give the passengers a lei.’ She got confused, he got lucky, and they now live on Maui.” — Dorothy

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44. “It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” — Dorothy

45. “We have Maalox and estrogen. How many junkies have gas and hot flashes?” — Dorothy

46. “I could vomit just looking at you!” — Dorothy

47. “Go hug a landmine!” — Dorothy

48. “If I had that money I could have moved into a swinging condo instead of living with — I better not say anything until I’ve had my coffee (sips coffee) — a slut and a moron!” — Dorothy

49. “Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gecko!” — Dorothy

50. “It’s wonderful dating in Miami. Every single man under eighty sells cocaine.” — Dorothy

Which of these Golden Girls quotes is your favorite?

The show focuses on the lives of four women, Rose Nylund, Sophia Petrillo, Blanche Devereaux, and Dorothy Zbornak. Blanche (McClanahan) owns a house in Miami and places an ad to rent out the rooms in her house. Rose (White) and divorcee Dorothy (Arthur), responded to the ad, and the trio has been living together for a year when the show starts.

In the pilot episode, Dorothy’s 80-year-old widowed mother, Sophia (Getty), moves in with them after the retirement home she lived in burns down. It follows their escapades involving men, their children and family members, and the dynamic of the women in the house.

The Golden Girls cast had excellent on-screen chemistry and was a fan favorite. The show was also a favorite with critics and won several awards, including the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series—twice. It also won three Golden Globe Awards for Best Television Series—Musical or Comedy. The Golden Girls was one of only four sitcoms in the award’s history in which each of the stars won an Emmy Award.

Did you enjoy reading our selection of The Golden Girls quotes and lines? If you are a fan of the show, share your favorite quote that didn’t make the list (or maybe your favorite St. Olaf story) with us in the comment section below.

Danielle Dahl, Lead Contributor
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