Why Does Life Suck Even When You Try to Make it Better?

Are you feeling like life sucks right now?

It has been a tough year for many, and it is okay if you are at a low point.

If your life feels like the Friends theme song, this article is for you!

It might not be your day, your month, or even your year, but it can turn around!

It is normal for people to feel like life is out to get them when facing a series of challenges beyond their control.

A variety of things can make life sucky, like death, finances, job loss, physical and mental health issues, and other personal tragedies.

The list can get rather long!

Why is it that when we try to make those things better, life sucks just a little more?

Life can be hard, and it often seems like “when it rains, it pours,” but don’t let it get you down!

Understanding why life sucks and realizing there are things you can do to make it through the hard times will help you build a new perspective and generate inspiration.

“Life is amazing. Even when it sucks, it is amazing, and we should be grateful for every moment.” — Hal Elrod

The biological reason “life sucks”

“Our brains are wired to scout for the bad stuff,” says psychologist and author Rick Hanson.

Psychologists refer to this as negativity bias.

Our brains naturally give more weight to the negative experiences we go through.

There are a couple of reasons for this.

First, when something negative (often out of our control happens), it takes more brainpower to process.

Our brains are on high alert, fixating on the perceived threat and trying to ensure survival.

Humans have one biological goal in life, and that is to survive.

The need to survive is stronger than the need to procreate.

So, when something terrible happens and we feel threatened, our brain devotes all our time and energy to handling that.

This makes us more likely to remember bad memories and troublesome times more easily than good times.

According to author and Stanford professor Clifford Nass, “We tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events—and use stronger words to describe them—than happy ones.”

While it is in our genetic makeup to focus on the negative and search out the environment for threats, we also have tools to help us learn to change our perspective and rewire our thinking.

When we take steps to improve our life, we usually step outside of our comfort zone, which causes us anxiety and worry, making us think that life still sucks.

Life might also seem to suck while you try implementing these tools because it requires effort and takes time.

“Consequently, just because many people think that their life sucks, doesn’t mean that it necessarily does. What is true is that many people make the mistake of comparing their lives to the lives of others.” — Brian Kasperitis

Your thoughts matter

My therapist always tells me, “Our brain only believes what we tell it.”

It is a fascinating and slightly wacky concept I have further explored while completing my Doctorate in Psychology.

She told me once that if a person told themselves the sky was purple often enough and believed it was purple, it would eventually be purple.

The human brain cannot discern thoughts from facts on its own.

It relies on us to send messages, information, and beliefs.

So, the more you tell yourself “life sucks” and “the world is out to get you,” the more you will start looking for evidence and believing that to be true.

The trick here is to manage your perception and thoughts.

Start by labeling your thoughts.

I know this will sound a little weird, but with practice and conscious effort, it will become more natural and easier for you to do.

Instead of saying, “Life sucks,” or my favorite, “The universe hates me,” label your thoughts like this:

• “I am having thought that life sucks”
• “I am having a thought that the universe hates me”
• “I had a thought that nothing I do will make any difference”

How does this help at all?

Well, it helps you to identify the thoughts you have.

It also helps you gain perspective and realize that just because you think something does not make it true.

You can also take some seriousness out of negative thoughts by singing them or hearing them in a funny voice.

Kind of how when I say, “You’re in good hands,” you hear it in the Allstate guy’s voice.

The goal is to make them sound silly or downright absurd because it will be harder for you to believe they hold much weight.

Another trick my therapist taught me was to imagine my thoughts appearing in the clouds and then watch them blow away.

You can write down your negative thoughts and then rip the paper into shreds.

You have these thoughts because your brain is trying to ward off the threats and alert you.

When we are trying to do things that improve our lives, they often involve change, unknown factors, and hard work.

You can acknowledge that, but at the same time, tell yourself that if you can not control the situation, then your brain doesn’t need to worry about it!

All of which can make us anxious.

Thank your brain for trying, and then tell yourself that you do not have to worry about this.

This is where perception really comes into play.

“If you think your life sucks, it probably does. Do something about it.” — Chris Crutcher

Perception matters, too

Perception is how you recognize and interpret sensory stimuli based on your memories.

If we tried something once, and it blew up in our faces, we usually aren’t in a hurry to do it again.

That experience created data in our minds.

Perception is the way you interpret that data and life events.

Many factors influence how we perceive events, especially when we feel like life sucks.

They include:

• Our Heredity. Height, skin color, and gender impact how we view the world.
• Our Needs. Physiological needs, such as food and water (or lack thereof), influence our feelings about certain situations.
• Our peers. We determine what is desirable or undesirable based on the opinions of the people around us.
• Our interests. We assign value and importance based on how much pleasure or reward we receive from a certain activity or product.
• Our expectations. Our expectations affect our perception after the fact.

When thinking about the reasons that life could suck and our thoughts about them, it is easy to see how important perception is.

For instance, if you look at losing your job as negative because you will have less money, less security, and “less” in general, you would perceive that as a bad thing.

However, if you look at losing your job as an opportunity to learn a new skill, find a better job, or start your own business, losing your job could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Gratitude and reframing your thoughts will help you learn to find a new perspective on things.

Of course, looking for a positive spin on situations you have always perceived as negative is challenging.

That struggle alone can add to the feeling that life sucks while you try to reframe your thoughts and teach yourself alternative ways to think.

More struggle means more feelings like things are terrible.

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” — Chuck Palahniuk

It will take practice

It will take practice, patience, and conscious thoughts and decisions to accept that sometimes bad things happen in life that we cannot control.

We can only control the way we react and respond to these events.

If you want to feel like life sucks less, then changing the things you focus on, rethinking the way you think, and developing a new perception will help.

If you feel you are struggling with something that is too big for these tips to help you, reach out for help.

There is no shame in admitting that life is a struggle and connecting with someone with the training to help you get through it.

A therapist or a life coach will help you process past or current trauma while giving you tools you can use to keep going.

Remember, it might be awful right now, but you won’t always feel as you do now.

“Why does life suck“ might be the wrong question

Life is like a pendulum.

Sometimes it swings really far out toward good, and other times, it swings the other way, toward terrible.

Ride the wave when you can, and seek help when needed.

How you can change the way you view life might be a better question.

You aren’t alone; people love you, even when you feel like life sucks.

What do you say to yourself when you feel like life sucks?

Do you have go-to people, places, or activities to make you feel better when that happens?

Let us know in the comment section!

We would love to hear from you.

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