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Bill Burr Quotes For Those Times When You Need a Laugh

These Bill Burr quotes are perfect for when you need something to lift your mood. They will make you laugh and then think.

Fans of Bill Burr’s are glad that he didn’t follow in his parents’ footsteps and seek a career in medicine. His mother, a nurse, and his father, a dentist, would have to leave the medical field to one of his many siblings.

Bill graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Radio and worked in warehouses before catching his big break.

Bill began his comedy career doing stand-up in 1992. He began recording his podcast in 2007, and the following year landed the role of Patrick Kuby on ‘Breaking Bad.’ 

He had several parts across the TV and movie industry, even founding his own network, All Things Comedy. He currently stars in ‘F is For Family.’

Enjoy reading these Bill Burr quotes that will hopefully make your day better.

Don’t forget to also check out these Frank Ocean quotes on music and more.

Bill Burr quotes about comedy and being on stage

1. “I’m not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.” — Bill Burr

2. “My favorite kind of humor is basically if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.” — Bill Burr

3. “I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.” — Bill Burr

4. “Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.” — Bill Burr

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection Dave Chappelle quotes from the iconic comedian.

5. “Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reason to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.” — Bill Burr

6. “You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.” — Bill Burr

7. “I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.” — Bill Burr

8. “You start in bars and then restaurants, then you want to get into comedy clubs where you feature, then you headline, and once you sell out clubs, you’re into theaters. I’ve been able to get there, and it’s cool to do that.” — Bill Burr

9. “The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and I lost it.” — Bill Burr

10. “The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I’m in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can’t seem to come up with anything new that’s funny. That’s a tough place to be as a comedian.” — Bill Burr

11. “I still remember the first gig where I got people going. It was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.” — Bill Burr

12. “There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets, but nobody knows you yet.” — Bill Burr

13. “Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It’s not like Stonehenge, which looks great in books, but then you go there and it’s a pile of rocks next to a highway. There’s actually a highway right next to it, but you don’t see that in pictures.” — Bill Burr

14. “A plumber doesn’t change the way he plumbs when he has a kid. You’re a comedian. This is your style.” — Bill Burr

15. “Stand-up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can’t just be like, ‘Alright, I got my hour down, people are coming to see me now. Now, I’m going to lean on the mike stand.’ No, you gotta work even harder now. You got to top what you already did. Because they’ll find someone else.” — Bill Burr

16. “Patrice O’Neal is the best comic I ever saw.” — Bill Burr

17. “You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy, and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.” — Bill Burr

18. “Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.” — Bill Burr

Funny Bill Burr quotes

19. “I gotta be honest with you. I’m kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?” — Bill Burr

20. “Did you ever spell a word so bad that your spell check has absolutely no clue what you’re trying to spell? What do you end up getting, you end up getting, like, a question mark? You got a million dollars of technology just looking back at you like, ‘You got me, buddy. Which is pretty amazing because I have all the words.'” — Bill Burr

21. “The word ‘ranting’ is kind of overused now. Literally, if you just talk about a subject for 30 seconds or more, even if you never raised your voice, if I just talk about it, it’s called a rant.” — Bill Burr

22. “You probably need 1/10 of the world’s population for us to continue to exist. There’s just too many damn people. You have to somehow get us from 7 billion people to… I don’t know what the magic number is, but I imagine at some point, that will happen. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’m making the cut.” — Bill Burr

Politically charged Bill Burr quotes

23. “I can’t quite remember who I voted for president. It wasn’t Trump or Hillary, though. I didn’t like either one of them.” — Bill Burr

24. “Rich people never go to war. You ask a college kid to go to war, and he’s like, ‘Umm, I’m taking this sociology class, and I think war is, like, really stupid, and my roommate’s, like, half Afghani, so it’s going to cause some static.'” — Bill Burr

25. “Look how long it took to build the Freedom Tower, and we wanted that. It took 15 years.” — Bill Burr

26. “People focus too much on whether there’s a Democrat or a Republican in office. It’s not like this guy Kim-Jong Un got into power the second Trump got into power. It’s not like he wasn’t a problem. It’s not like we haven’t had warmongers. It’s not like corporations haven’t been the main influence on what we’re doing around the world.” — Bill Burr

27. “The Giants beating the undefeated Patriots, that’s all a joke. The star of a reality show is going to run the country. The guy who decided if Bret Michaels or Cyndi Lauper would make a better CEO for a company that doesn’t exist is going to be running stuff.” — Bill Burr

28. “I think it’s hilarious the way Obama is depicted post-presidency. He’s always kayaking or playing Jai Alai like he’s some retired athlete or something. Like he wasn’t doing the exact same thing everybody else was doing.” — Bill Burr

Bill Burr quotes about life

29. “As far as my mindset changing, I see myself having more empathy in my older age.” — Bill Burr

30. “They say you don’t want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy.” — Bill Burr

31. “My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy.” — Bill Burr

32. “I like finding stuff that I suck at and trying to get better. So I’m taking classes, getting myself comfortable in an acting scene. You’ve got to work out those ticks. For instance, standing up used to be really hard for me. I act much better if I’m sitting down.” — Bill Burr

33. “Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.” — Bill Burr

34. “I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.” — Bill Burr

35. “What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what you’re going to feel.” — Bill Burr

36. “I’ve battled with that type of stuff, but what I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it.” — Bill Burr

37. “What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what you’re going to feel.” — Bill Burr

38. “I have friends in this business who put pictures of their kids on Facebook. That’s not something I would do.” — Bill Burr

Bill Burr quotes about movies and podcasting

39. “I don’t take anything from the podcast and bring it to my act because I feel like that’s been burned – unless I feel like I can really develop it beyond two or three jumps beyond what I said on the podcast.” — Bill Burr

40. “Podcasting is great. Total freedom.” — Bill Burr

41. “When I watch ‘Breaking Bad,’ my stomach is in knots.” — Bill Burr

42. “My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I don’t like it is when I’m off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half.” — Bill Burr

43. “I love making movies and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle.” — Bill Burr

44. “If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that’s good for me; I’m good.” — Bill Burr

45. “Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad; ‘ I don’t know.” — Bill Burr

46. “I love making movies and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle.” — Bill Burr

47. “For us, a lot of the cartoon and crazy stuff on ‘F Is for Family’ is tertiary characters; it happens on the television in the show. We try to keep whatever problem the Murphy family is dealing with rooted as much as we can in reality.” — Bill Burr

48. “I think I just say what I’m thinking. And – you know, if people relate to it, they relate to it, but – I really… you know, if you really listen to me, I don’t have my finger on any pulse.” — Bill Burr

49. “I’ve been guilty of being in the writers’ room and going too dark; other people have gone too wacky and zany.” — Bill Burr

50. “That’s kind of my job in the writer’s room. I’m always the guy going, like, ‘People wouldn’t say that there. They wouldn’t say that.’ Like, I hate when I watch sitcoms and something crazy happens, and people just kind of go, ‘Huh?’ and then they just go on.” — Bill Burr

Did you enjoy reading these Bill Burr quotes?

Bill Burr is married with two children and has become quite successful outside of the stand-up comedy circle.

Recently, he spoke up more about political matters, saying, “that political correctness does not address the problems it is aimed at fixing—such as racism—since it only addresses vocabulary rather than changing the attitudes that people have. Political correctness has no answer or impact on other major socio-political issues such as banks and pharmaceutical companies,” in an interview with Forbes.

His willingness to share his political beliefs, while also being hilarious, likely had a lot to do with his being offered a chance to host Saturday Night Live.

The episode aired on October 10th, 2020, and the subject was fitting and funny. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you totally should! You will laugh, even though the subject is serious, like the white women who have ‘hijacked’ the Black Lives Matter Movement.

Bill called it a lifelong dream, yet somehow, I wonder if he ever dreamt it would be during the chaos we are facing right now. If you have any other favorite Bill Burr quotes, jokes and sayings, please share them in the comment section below.

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