If you want something funky, pop a squat and check out our superb selection of poop quotes.
You might find poop unpleasant or smelly, but it is essential to our world.
Poop might not be your go-to topic at the dinner table or work, but it is a natural human function we all do.
Check out our poop quotes below.
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What is poop?
Poop is an American slang term for human feces.
You may use the word stool, bowel movement, or doody, but it’s all poop.
Poop is the undigested food, bacteria, mucus, and cells lining your intestines, all combined into one streamlined product.
Check out these poop facts:
- Your poop is made of mostly water.
- Most people poop seven times a week.
- The average person produces approximately a quart of poop daily.
When you eat food, you digest it, and your body takes the nutrients you need from the food.
What is left over is known as waste or poop.
Why is poop different colors?
Poop gets its color from bile.
Bile is a yellow-green fluid that helps digest fats.
Our livers produce bile, and it gets stored in the gallbladder.
As bile moves from the intestines, it changes from green to brown.
This occurs as a result of bacteria breaking down bile pigments.
Most healthy poop ranges from yellow-brown to brown-green.
Poop can be hard, soft, or watery.
The color and consistency of our poop can say much about our health.
Contacting a physician is a good idea if you have black poop, bloody poop, or overly green poop.
Is there such a thing as the perfect poop?
Yes, there is a perfect poop.
When people discuss perfect poop, they refer to perfectly shaped poop.
A perfect poop should be sausage-shaped, with smooth, soft edges.
It should be easy to pass without being too hard or soft.
It should also sink into the water.
This is a sign of a healthy digestive system.
Check out our poop quotes below to learn more.
Short poop quotes about turds
These poop quotes are sweet and stinky.
1. “You can’t polish a turd” — Kenneth Turnbull
2. “I descended the poop.” — Joseph Conrad
3. “Ram it up your poop chute.” — Frank Zappa
4. “Dogs are angels full of poop.” ― Oliver Gaspirtz, Pet Humor!
5. “Everybody looks at their poop.” — Oprah Winfrey
6. “Eat like a bird, poop like an elephant.” — Guy Kawasaki
7. “Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.” — Craig Benzine
8. “I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop.” — Ted Nugent
9. “Pets enrich our lives and poop on our floors!” — Steven Magee
10. “Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.” — Martha Stewart
Funny poop quotes about health and digestion
Poop is a funny topic but also an important one.
11. “The foundation of human health is poop!” — Steven Magee
12. “And the feasts on the poop and the musicians.” — C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian
13. “Does koala bear poop smell like cough drops?” — Tom Robbins
14. “Whenever I feel nervous, I feel like I have to poop.” — Kendra Wilkinson
15. “I poop in the backyard. I wear disposable diapers.” — David Duchovny
16. “Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.” — Mark Hoppus
17. ”Sometimes, music is like poop. It just has to come out.” — Mark Salling
18. “You aren’t what you eat; you are what you don’t poop.” — Wavy Gravy
19. “I have a natural propensity to work on big piles of poop.” — Robert Pattinson
20. “Life is nothing but poop, so eat lots of beans. And prunes.” — Cray Jones
The top poop quotes about stinky situations
These poop quotes come from a variety of sources.
21. “You are all made of real poop.” ― Anne Frank, The Diary of Anne Frank
22. “This was a true pants-pooping moment.” — Dinah Katt, Once Upon a Time Travel
23. “Going into therapy doesn’t guarantee poop on toast.” — Laura Schlessinger
24. “One side sticks to the facts, and the other side is close to playing with its poop.” — Keith Olbermann
25. “I’ll eat a nugget of my own poop for 20 bucks. I’ll pay you 20 bucks, and I’ll eat it.” — Tom DeLonge
26. “My dogs love me. Of course, by love, I mean poop, and by me, I mean everywhere.” — Dana Gould
27. “The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.” — Pat Paulsen
28. “I use an app called ChoreMonster. The kids earn points for brushing teeth or picking up the dog poop. It’s genius.” — Julie Bowen
29. “Let’s just make a deal to try anything we can think of that doesn’t hurt except poop. If you ever poop on me, I will leave you.” — J.A Rock
30. “Some countries have more water than others – some can afford to use clean water to flush their poop away, and some can’t.” — Rose George
The best poop quotes about passing waste
These quotes are all about the importance of getting the waste out.
31. “Pretty bows on a pile of sh$t only make it harder to flush.” — Kimberly McCreight, A Good Marriage
32. “A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.” — Mo Johnston
33. “If all you do is follow the herd, you’ll just be stepping in poop all day.” — Wayne Dyer
34. “If you’re really a mean person, you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.” — Kurt Cobain
35. “If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can’t pelt them with poop.” — Doug Stanhope
36. “I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can’t help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.” — Tyler Posey
37. “FYI, it isn’t how I suspected. If you eat enough Cheetos, you will NOT actually poop an extra-large Cheeto.” — Felicia Day
38. “Marketing is essentially about feeding the poop back to diners fast enough to make them think they’re still getting real food.” — Douglas Coupland
39. “We’re wild horses. We’re going to eat your food, knock down your tent, and poop on your shoes. We’re protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon.” — Dave Barry
40. “You’re missing the point! We could make it rain cupcakes from the sky! Raspberry-jam pies would grow on trees, and chocolate rabbits would poop chocolate buttons!” — Lisa Mantchev
Famous poop quotes about how much we all think poop is interesting
Poop is fascinating to many people, and these quotes remind us why.
41. “If you’re really a mean person, you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.” — Kurt Cobain
42. “My most smelly job was at a kennels and cattery, and I basically spent all day scooping poop.” — Sara Cox
43. “Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.” — Sandra Bullock
44. “To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It’s just so cold up there with my pants down.” — Dana Gould
45. “I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!” — Jonah Goldberg
46. “My life was once whiskey, tears, and cigarettes. Now it’s snot, tears, and a color of poop. Bliss. I do miss the whiskey, though.” — Pink
47. “I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number. Most people are poop-heads. I do not care about them at all.” — James Alan Gardner
48. “The great thing about having a bunch of kids is that they just remind you that you’re the person who takes them to go poop. That’s who you are!” — Angelina Jolie
49. “They tell you that at his age, all they do is eat, sleep, and poop. And what I’ve learned is they can actually do all three at the same time. Who knew?” — Josh Duhamel
50. “It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way, you don’t get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo.” — Jon Stewart
Is there a right way to poop?
Some people stand on the toilet seat; others have to have their phones.
Some people hover, and some people need a paper toilet cover.
Everyone has their method, and this is not to say your method is inferior.
However, scientists and medical professionals have recommended particular postures supporting waste passage.
According to experts, the position for passing poop is with your knees higher than your hips and feet firmly planted on the floor.
This position is natural for the body and assists your muscles to relax.
Squatting this way also puts the pelvis and rectum in the optimum position to let your poop pass.
Some may find discussing poop distasteful, but we all do it.
Comedian Sarah Silverman is open about her love for poop.
She once shared, “I do love poop. I can’t help it. The heart wants what it wants.”
Silverman admits it makes her laugh like many of us, who are not above a poop joke.
She adds, “I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing’s going to get me like dumb stuff.”
Do you have a favorite poop joke?