25 Billy Madison Quotes that Will Make You Want to Rewatch the Movie

If you like the old Adam Sandler movies and have never watched Billy Madison, it should be on your watch list, as you will see from reading these Billy Madison quotes.

Much like the other characters that Adam Sandler plays, Billy Madison brings crazy and unexpected humor that makes it hard not to laugh.

Tell us your favorite Billy Madison scene in the comment section below.

What are the benefits of reading these Billy Madison quotes?

Billy Madison is the adult child of a rich man.

He’s never had to work at anything because his dad has always taken care of things for him.

He ends up in a situation where he needs to work his way through Kindergarten to 12th grade in order to prove himself.

And that’s where the fun begins.

Reading these Billy Madison quotes won’t just make you laugh!

You can learn a few life lessons, too, like:

  • it isn’t cool to be mean to others who are learning a new skill
  • learning new things can be challenging and scary, but it is worth it
  • appreciate what you have before the moment passes
  • apologize to people you haven’t treated well, even if a long time has passed

Enjoy these Billy Madison quotes.

Memorable Billy Madison Quotes

1. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.” – Billy Madison

Comforting Billy Madison Quotes

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2. “Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.” – Billy Madison

Funny Billy Madison Quotes

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3. “It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.” – Billy Madison

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Billy Madison Quotes About Hot Weather

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4. “Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is. He iiii-iissss!” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About A Baby

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5. “Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About Feeling Like An Idiot

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6. “I am the smartest man alive!” – Billy Madison

Encouraging Billy Madison Quotes

7. “O’Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family’s going down. But right now, I gotta study.” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About O'Doyle

8. “Stop looking at me, Swan!” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About Swan

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9. “I hate cursive and I hate all of you!” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About Cursive

10. “Couch. C-o-r- you going to the mall later?” – Billy Madison

Hilarious Billy Madison Quotes

11. “Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Oh! Back to school… back to school… back to school. Well, here goes nothing.” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About School

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12. “Tallahoo-hoo. Sabadoo.” – Billy Madison

Incredibly Funny Billy Madison Quotes

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13. “No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the Chlorophyll.” – Billy Madison

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Billy Madison Quotes About Making Out

14. “Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest. Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.” – Billy Madison

Childish Billy Madison Quotes

15. “The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think, “You got a pet. You got a responsibility.” If your dog is lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits.” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About His Dog

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16. “Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head!” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About Breaking His Leg

17. “You fallin’ in love with the wall or somethin?” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison Quotes Making Fun of Others

Billy Madison quotes from Brian Madison (Billy’s Dad)

18. “Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?” – Brian Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About Spelling Bee

19. “Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?” – Brian Madison

Epic Billy Madison Quotes

20. “You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes…” – Brian Madison

Billy Madison Quotes About Toys

Other memorable Billy Madison quotes from the movie

21. “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” — Principal

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Insulting Billy Madison Quotes

22. “Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?”—Eric

Billy Madison Quotes About Triscuit Crackers

23. “Have some more sloppy Joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like ’em sloppy.”—Lunch Lady

Billy Madison Quotes About Sloppy Joes

24. If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”—Old Farm Lady

Billy Madison Quotes About Peeing Your Pants

25. “When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”—Frank

Billy Madison Quotes About Graduating

Did you enjoy these Billy Madison quotes?

If you’ve seen this movie before, these quotes have probably brought the hilarious parts of the movie streaming back through your mind.

If you’ve never watched the movie before, these quotes might seem like the most random and off-the-wall lines.

It’s a lot like having an inside joke.

Once you’ve watched the movie, you’ll know exactly why these lines are as funny and memorable as they are.

If you’re ready to unwind, relax, and escape from the crazy reality of your own life situation, turn Billy Madison on and enjoy the crazy antics of Adam Sandler.

Which of these Billy Madison quotes and lines is your favorite?

Tell us in the comment section below.

We would love to hear all about it.

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  1. Hayden

    May 28, 2021 at 7:55 PM

    You forgot one! 🙁

    “T-t-t-today junior!” – Billy Madison

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