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30 Billy Madison Quotes that Will Make You Want to Rewatch the Movie

There’s something about the movie that you just can’t help but laugh at. Enjoy these Billy Madison quotes.

If you like the old Adam Sandler movies and have never watched Billy Madison, it should be on your watch list. Much like the other characters that Adam Sandler plays, Billy Madison brings crazy and unexpected humor that makes it hard not to laugh.

Billy Madison is the adult child of a rich man. He’s never had to work at anything because his dad has always taken care of things for him. He ends up in a situation where he needs to work his way through Kindergarten to 12th grade in order to prove himself. And that’s where the fun begins.

Memorable Billy Madison quotes

1. “Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Oh! Back to school… back to school… back to school. Well, here goes nothing.” – Billy Madison

2. “Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.” – Billy Madison

3. “I am the smartest man alive!” – Billy Madison

4. “No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the Chlorophyll.” – Billy Madison

5. “Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest. Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.” – Billy Madison

6. “The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think, “You got a pet. You got a responsibility.” If your dog is lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits.” – Billy Madison

Make sure to check out our collection of pet quotes that celebrate our animal loved ones.

7. “O’Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family’s going down. But right now, I gotta study.” – Billy Madison

8. “Stop looking at me, Swan!” – Billy Madison

9. “I hate cursive and I hate all of you!” – Billy Madison

10. “Couch. C-o-r- you going to the mall later?” – Billy Madison

11. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.” – Billy Madison

12. “Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.” – Billy Madison

13. “It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.” – Billy Madison

14. “Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is. He iiii-iissss!” – Billy Madison

15. “Tallahoo-hoo. Sabadoo.” – Billy Madison

16. “Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head!” – Billy Madison

17. “You fallin’ in love with the wall or somethin?” – Billy Madison

Billy Madison quotes from Brian Madison (Billy’s Dad)

18. “Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?” – Brian Madison

19. “Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?” – Brian Madison

20. “You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes…” – Brian Madison

Other memorable Billy Madison quotes from the movie

21. “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”—Principal

22. “Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?”—Eric

23. “Have some more sloppy Joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like ’em sloppy.”—Lunch Lady

24. “If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”—Old Farm Lady

25. “When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”—Frank

26. “Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barabara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.” – Old Man Clemens

27. “Don’t tell me my business, devil woman!” – Old Man Clemens

28. “No milk will ever be our milk.” – Veronica

29. “O’Doyle rules.” – O’Doyle

30. “If you’re going to stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.” – Juanita

Did you enjoy these Billy Madison quotes?

If you’ve seen this movie before, these quotes have probably brought the hilarious parts of the movie streaming back through your mind.

If you’ve never watched the movie before, these quotes might seem like the most random and off-the-wall lines that you can think of. It’s a lot like having an inside joke. Once you’ve watched the movie, you’ll know exactly why these lines are as funny and memorable as they are.

If you’re ready to unwind, relax, and escape from the crazy reality of your own life situation, turn Billy Madison on and enjoy the crazy antics of Adam Sandler.

Which of these Billy Madison quotes and lines is your favorite? Tell us in the comment section below. We would love to hear all about it.

Stephanie Kirby
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