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Best South Park Quotes Full of Wit and Wisdom

Our collection of South Park quotes that might actually make you stop and think.

As South Park enters its 18th season, I can’t help but think back on all the laughable and teachable moments that it has provided us.

While some may think that it is simply a show that tries to be fair by taking equal shots at everyone (there is some truth to that), the greater point is to make us take a shot at ourselves.

Here are some of the great South Park quotes that might actually make you stop and think.

Inspirational South Park Quotes

1. “It never fails to amaze me how I manage to overcome adversity.” – Mayor, 208 (It should not amaze us, it should be our goal…it’s not magic)

2. “I’ve wished every single day that I could go back to that moment when I was offered the job and say, “No!” Because all the fame and the money, the women—all it did was build me up, so that I could be knocked down harder than anybody in the world. That is what being in a boy band is all about, Stanley. Its people smothering you and embracing you and loving you and then spitting you out and throwing you away like you were last night’s pork chops! Now we wander the earth in disarray—us, New Kids On the Block, the Osmond’s. We’re all the same. And that is why you can’t go to the mall.” – Randy, 409 (On what it is to get things before we earn them and are ready for them)

3. “The only heaven we can hope for is one here on earth, now. We should stop waiting to get into heaven and start trying to create it.” – Randy Marsh, 612 (He may be onto something there)

4. “I just realized that there’s a lot of painful times in life so I better learn to deal with it the right way.” –Stan, 714 (Good idea, then you will be prepared sooner than later)

5. “You know, I think we all learned something today.  It’s fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways, only because of their race you become separatists and being a separatist sucks ass.” – Kyle, 309 (It really does Kyle, it really does)

6. “I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something made me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I’m feeling is like, the beautiful sadness.” (On putting the mere act of feeling in perspective)  – Butters, 714

7. “Now children, listen to me. Why do you want to go back in time? Life isn’t about going back.  It’s about going forward. Yes, there are times in our lives that we wish we could relive but if we already lived them perfectly, why live them again? The adventure of life is that there’s always something new – new challenges, new experiences. A fun game is a game that gets harder as it goes. So it is with life. Do you understand?” – Ms. Choksondick, 412 (On pointing out that being present is usually the best option)

8. “Yeah well, sometimes the things we do don’t matter right now. Sometimes they matter later. We have to care more about later sometimes, you know?” – Stan, 609 (The things we do now may have consequences later, consider that)

9. “Well then don’t buy into this fad, Kyle. Be who you are. Not what’s cool.” – Chef, 708 (Truth!)

south park quotes saying goodbye

10. “It’s simple economics, son. I don’t understand it at all, but, God I love it.” – Randy Marsh, 809 (Who said we have to understand something to stand for it?)

11. “Lord, we thank you for this staggering payload of frozen waffles you have bestowed upon us. And since we have been faithful to you, we know that you will send us some good fortune one of these days, even though you sure as hell seem to be taking your sweet time. Amen.” – Stuart McCormick, 210 (We have to stand for something right?)

12. “Family isn’t about whose blood you have in you. Family’s about the people who cared about you and took care of you. We’re not the same blood, but I love my little brother. We’ve taken care of him because he needed us to, and that makes us more family than anything.” – Kyle, 715 (Sometimes family really is the people we choose)

13. “As you can see it appears that we are going down. Now would be a good time to reflect on your life and pray to whatever deity you believe in.” – City Wok/Airline Owner, 715 (On not waiting until the last possible minute for some much needed reflection)

14. Cults are dangerous because they promise you hope, happiness, and maybe even an afterlife, but in return they demand that you pay money. Any religion that requires you to pay money in order to move up and learn its tenets is wrong. You see, all religions have something valuable to teach but just like the Super Best Friends learned, it requires a little bit of them all.” – Stan, 504 (An interesting thought on any belief system)

15. “It’s all about moderation.” –Randy, 302 (IT really is Randy)

16. “Living is having ups and downs and sharing them with friends.” – Larry/Steve/Gorat, 218 (If we have even one or two people to do that with, we are lucky)

17. “These children are depending on me to give them a future. I can’t do it without your guidance. Please! Help me, for them! For the future of our children!” – Ms. Choksondick, 412 (What most teachers must feel like)

18. “Twenty-two point three years. That’s how long it takes for something tragic to become funny.” – Kyle, 602 (At least we have an exact time now)

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Funny South Park Quotes

19. “Just because your parents can afford better toys than ours doesn’t make you better than us!” – Stan, 706 (IT sure does not!)

20. “You must learn-a discipline and-a respect.”- Sumo Master, 304 (I think all of us should)

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21. “Shelley, you saved my life. And yet, you’ve done so much more than that. Today you’ve taught me the meaning of family. Sure, families don’t always get along, but when the forces of evil descend upon us, we conquer them, by sticking together.” – Stan, 105 (Yup, that is what family is for)

22. “There’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s called college.”- Chef, 204 (…and it should stay there….like Vegas)

south park quotes blame

23. “I’m afraid us adults just let you children down. We didn’t take care of our earth, and now you’ve inherited our problems.” – Randy Marsh, 908 (We did indeed. Is that it?)

24. “Saying good-bye doesn’t mean anything. It’s the time that we spent together that really matters, not how we left it.” – Mr. Adler’s fiance, 304 (So true. Everyone has a purpose and a meaning, no matter how brief)

25. “We followed blindly for thousands of years and we think the least God can do is show up for New Year’s Eve 1999!” – Uncle Jimbo, 316 (We were all ready to party like it was 1999!)

26. “God can’t just answer every prayer and suddenly give you everything you want. That takes all the living out of life.”- Jesus, 316 (Where is the fun, and the lesson in that?)

27. “You can’t judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won.” – Sharon Marsh, 808 (No you can’t. Does everyone know that?)

28. “Sometimes the things we do don’t matter right now. Sometimes they matter, later. You have to care more about later sometimes, you know?  I think that’s what separates us from the Stephen Spielbergs and George Lucases of the world.” – Stan, 609 (Is that the only thing?)

29. “Science is good. Science is very important.” – Nick Nolte, 302 (Thank you for confirming that Nick Nolte!)

30. “Well just like the rest of us, you have to make choices with your money. Do you want a bike, or do you not want to be depressed?”- Randy Marsh, 912 (It really comes down to one or the other)

31. “I’m sorry, my son, but if you want to earn everyone’s love, you will have to do it yourself.”- God to Jesus, 316 (He is a busy man. He can’t do it all for you)

32. “Just because Ike is adopted doesn’t make him any less your brother.”- Gerald Broflovski, 204 (No it does not!)

33. “You’ve learned that you can’t rewrite history. You see, history is forever, and everything happens for a reason.”- Kyle, 314 (Just wait, the reason will reveal itself to you!)

34. “If God answered all our prayers, there’d be nothing left for us to do ourselves. Life is about problems, and overcoming those problems. [becomes reflective] A-and growing and learning from obstacles. If God just fixed everything for us, then there’d be no point in our existence.”- Jesus, 316 (It is about strength and learning to do for yourself)

35. “This book says I don’t exist unless I think I do. But what if I don’t?”- Kyle, 402 (I think he just learned he is a little young for existentialism)

36. “It’s all about being a good person now.” – Gerald Broflovski, 410 (Always!)

south park quotes walls

37. “You didn’t want me to vote, you wanted me to vote for your guy!”- Stan, 808 (Sadly, more true than most will admit)

38. “We got so caught up in the little things of Christmas, like love and family that we almost forgot it’s buying things that makes our economy thrive.”- Ms. Choksondick, 417 (Something seems backward, and yet there is a point in there)

39. “We’re your friends, dude. We’re not gonna let you ruin your life.” – Stan, 1203 (More friends need to live by this belief)

40. “When you’re uh-unemployed, weekends are meaningless.”- Stuart McCormick, 210 (True, it all blends together)

41. “If you want it to go away, all it takes is a little self-control and personal responsibility.” – Randy Marsh, 809 (Really…..that is all it takes!)

42. “If I grow up getting everything I want, having things made easy for me because I have hot knockers, then I’m gonna grow up to be a lame person. If I’m handed everything in life, then my chances of becoming a lawyer or a marine biologist are zero.”- Bebe, 610 (You are my hero!)

43. “Divorce is stupid!” –Stan, 212 (Listen up 50 percent of married people!)

South Park Quotes on Life Lessons

44. “Now Stanley, you have to understand how divorce works. When I say, ‘you’re the most important thing to me,’ what I mean is, you’re the most important thing after me and my happiness and my new romances.”- Sharon Marsh, 212 (Hopefully what a newly divorced parent is NOT thinking)

45. “It’s all about being a good person now. You see, Christians use Hell as a way to scare people into believing what they believe. But to believe in something just because you’re afraid of the consequences if you dont believe in something is no reason to believe in something. Understand?”- Gerald Broflovski, 410 (Good point!)

46. “Having stability in your life is a great thing!” –Satan, 410 (It is a great thing, and not too much to hope for)

47. “When you sue somebody it hurts everyone. You sue for money, but where do you think that money comes from? From the schools, from taxes, from the state. From you. There’s no such thing as free money. When you sue somebody you take money away from parks and schools and charities and put it in your own pockets, and that makes me a sad panda.” – Sexual Harassment Panda, 306 (Sexual Harassment Panda makes a good point)

48. “Look, Stan. When Kenny died I learned how important friends are. I’m not gonna lose another friend.” –Kyle, 603 (Kyle, I promise, it is all going to be ok next episode. If only life were so easy)

49. “You see, reading opens up whole new worlds to you. You can take a canoe down the Amazon. Or go back in time to Camelot. Or become a race car driver. All by just opening a book. Just like magic. The magic of reading.”- Driver of the Booktastic Bus, 203 (Why it is sad more people don’t read)

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south park quotes feeling sorry50. “Too much use of a dirty word takes away from its impact. We believe in free speech and all that, but making a few words taboo just adds to the fun of English.”- Stan, 502 (You really do want your dirty words to pack a punch)

51. “See, the best way to try to motivate somebody is to be direct with them – to be honest with them.  I think the whole future-self thing is a lie, and lies are never the right way to get your message across.” –Stan, 616 (So, motivate people where they are at now……not a bad idea)

52. “You need to have a life. Have fun. Then ruin it by having a serious relationship.”- Kyle, 1010 (Hopefully those are not mutually exclusive)
If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Fleabag quotes that relate to every aspect of your day-to-day life.

53. “I think maybe we’re not seeing heaven because one of us doesn’t believe in it enough…Heaven could be like the pixie fairies of Bubble Yum Forest. You only see them if you really believe in them.”- Cartman, 612 (It must be because one of you does not believe enough…who is it???)

54. “I know your first love seems like the only love, but trust me, it’s not. You have so much life ahead of you.”- Kyle, 1010 (I would be rich if I had a dime for every time I have said this)

55. “And so, Terrance and Phillip got back together, proving once and for all that fame and fortune are never as important as friendship.”- Narrator, 505 (A valuable lesson to us all!)

56. Gerald: Adults make up those things because they’re fun for children.

Kyle: Fun for children?! Look at me, Dad! I don’t even know what’s real anymore!

– 401, about learning that the Tooth Fairy isn’t real (Sometimes we have to weigh the pros and the cons)

57. “Man, I guess sometimes we let our technology and stuff grow too fast.”- Kyle (Sad, but true….but that new IPhone does look amazing)

58. “Well, that’s what being young is all about. Once you have a family and a career, your experimenting days are over.”- Gerald, 308 (Hopefully it all doesn’t just end there)

59. “Those anti-smoking people are liars and they’re bullies, and they’ll stop at nothing to get what they want – and that means they’re dangerous.”- Kyle, 713 (Bullies are bad, death might be worse)

60. “You guys have no idea how this feels. It’s like, you always hear songs about a broken heart and you think it’s just a figure of speech? But it’s true. My chest hurts. I feel this like, sinking feeling where my heart is. It’s broken.”- Stan, 714 (I wonder if Stan feels like it is better to have loved and lost?)

South Park quotes on how to live life

61. John Edward: Look, what I do doesn’t hurt anybody. I give people closure and help them cope with life.

Stan: No, you give them false hope and a belief in something that isn’t real.

– 615 (Seems like a lot of that goes on)

62. “You know, it’s like you go through life thinking that you’re an individual, m’kay? And then you realize that you’re more than that, ‘kay. We’re all just one big individual, m’kay?”- Mr. Mackey, 204 (Mr. Mackey tries to explain universal connectedness, deep man, deep)

63. “It’s really easy not to think of images on TV as real people, but they are. That’s why it’s easy to ignore those commercials but people on TV are just as real as you or I.”- Stan, 106 (Something to think about. Are we too desensitized?)

64. “When you go through a lot with somebody, you can’t let trite things come between you.”- Terrance, 505 (No you can’t)

65. “Public schools may be a bit lacking in education, but it’s the main place where children learn all of their social skills. You can’t teach a child social skills. They have to learn them themselves. And the only place to do that is on the playground, in the cafeteria, and so on.”- Mark, 313 (Mark seems like he is against home schooling)

66. “Little boy, sometimes, what’s right isn’t as important as what’s profitable.”- Agent, 218 (On sending the wrong messages to impressionable people)

67. “If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, ‘n you’ve never learned any discipline at all.”- Stan, 914 (Stan explains addiction. Sometimes it is not just about avoidance)

68. “You boys have really shown me the true meaning of friendship.  You didn’t care about anything but my happiness.  You put me in front of yourselves, and that’s what real friendship is all about.  After being frozen I’ve learned that all a person has in life is family and friends.  If you lose those, you have nothing.  So friends are to be treasured more than anything else in the world.”-  Larry/Steve/Gorat, 218 (All it took was bring frozen alive to really put this in perspective)

69. “Cheating is lying and lying is wrong, no matter what the circumstance.”- Jesus (Jesus does not play around)

70. “This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows because she feels like an outcast. It is up to us to make her feel comfortable and welcome in our town!”- Sheila Broflovski, 205 (A lesson to make all people feel included)

Famous South Park Quotes

71. “The big questions in life are tough: Why are we here? Where are we from? Where are we going? But if people believe in asshole douchey liars like you, we’re never gonna find the real answer to those questions. You aren’t just lying, you’re slowing down the progress of all mankind.” – Stan, 615 (Good point, we don’t need lies and fairytales to slow progress down)

72. “This book says that negative and positive are the same thing; that real and not real are one.”- Kyle, 402 (Kyle gets confused again by existentialism)

south park quotes better future

73. “The best thing is not to act nice, Eric. Uh, the best thing is to be genuinely nice.”- Jimmy, 711 (It is quite an important line in the sand)

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74. “I guess maybe I’ve always taken friends for granted, like they’d always be there. If a friend died, I don’t know what I’d do.” – Stan, 407 (Luckily Kenny dies every episode, so you get a lot of practice)

75. Mark: Why do you call Kyle names and laugh at him? Is he not your friend?

Stan: Yeah, dude, but guys just do that. We rip on each other and stuff.

Mark: I see. It’s like, you have to mark your territory as a boy. You have to socially find your place.

-313 (Subtly pointing out we don’t need to put others down to build ourselves up)

76. “Big corporations are good…because without big corporations we wouldn’t have things like cars and computers and canned soup.”- Kyle, 21781. (You have to have your priorities.)

77. “We’ve learned that deception is wrong and that the only thing to ever make it right again is to come clean.”- Linda Stotch (Butters’ mom), 514 (I am glad you learned that valuable lesson…from your child)

78. “You’re so high and mighty you couldn’t look past my religion and just be my friend back. You’ve got a lot of growing up to do, buddy.”- Gary Harrison, 712 (You do indeed)

79. “Look, I don’t care what you guys believe. But with all the crazy stuff that goes on in this town, isn’t it possible, just possible, that something I don’t understand happened here?”- Cartman, 705 (I think it is indeed possible)

80. “I think that if parents would spend less time worrying about what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying about what’s going on in their kids’ lives, this world would be a much better place.”- Stan, 106 (You might be on to something big here….)

Memorable South Park Quotes

81. “It doesn’t matter if you get in trouble of not, you can still feel bad. I think you’re right, Kyle. Maybe we should confess.”- Stan, 703 (You don’t have to get caught to know it is wrong? I thought it was only wrong if you got caught????)

82. “It’s kind of cool that two people who hated each other can be friends.” – Shelley, 307 (That is cool indeed!)

83. “But you know, I learned something today. I used to call you guys Melvins. But you’re just kids, like me. We separate you in school because you talk different and you study too hard, but we’ve proven tonight that we can all get along.”- Stan, 308 (I was a Melvin, and I promise, we are not so different)

84. “If you believe in yourself, everything will turn out all right.” – Aslan, 1111 (No truer words have ever been spoken….on South Park at least)

85. “We’re kids, dude. We don’t volunteer for anything.”- Stan (Perhaps this is a mindset we should be changing as a society? Just a thought)

86. Kyle: Family isn’t about whose blood you have. It’s about who you care about.

Stan: Yeah.

Kyle: And that’s why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You’re my family.

-204 (It really is about the family we choose, very often)

87. “Now I am sick of these harmless lies and little white lies. You know, you can call a shovel an ice-cream machine, but it’s still a shovel, Mom and Dad. Ah, and you can call a lie whatever you want, but it’s still a no-good stinkin’ lie! And when you start coverin’ up one lie with another why, now that’s when you get into real trouble!”- Butters, 514 (So what I hear you saying is that a lie is a lie, and they should all be avoided? Food for thought)

88. “I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.”- Kyle. 106 (Truth! Again….)

89. “We shouldn’t rely on violence to inspire faith.”- Shlomo, 804 (No we should not. It should be in the quiet moments we believe)

90. “Parents can be so cruel. Don’t they realize that what a child needs more than anything is security?”- Stan, 108 (Is that too much to ask?)

More South Park Quotes and Lines

91. “It would have been wrong to exploit Butters’ weight loss because then lots of fat people would have believed it and then gone and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly. They’d still be fat, and we’d be responsible for their shattered dreams.”- Kyle

92. “No matter how I’m feeling, I can always count on you guys to lighten me up.”- Cartman from the opposite universe

south park quotes answer93. “They’re just young boys. Joking is a way for them to come to terms with what they don’t understand.”- Nurse Gollum

94. “We’re all looking for answers, you know. We all want to understand who we are and where we come from, but sometimes we want to know the answers so badly that we believe just about anything.”- Stan

95. “How do you kill that which has no life?”— Horrgash

96. “Part of being a woman is having a friend one day and calling her a sl*t the next.”— Bebe’s Mother

97. “If you want to find some quality friends, you have to wade through all the d*cks first.”— Eric Cartman

98. “I’m not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.”— Eric Cartman

99. “We’re not going to let them commit suicide, even if we have to kill them.”— ATF Agent
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100. “Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I’m living proof…”— Eric Cartman

Did You Find Your Favorite South Park Quotes?

South Park seems to give us a firm dose of reality about our silent thoughts and beliefs that we would not dare say, or admit that we think. The characters share without fear, to show us just how off-base and ridiculous things are at times.

By laying out their thoughts in the open, they are showing us how we can and should be living. And if we accept it, there is wit and wisdom to be gained on many topics.

I hope you have enjoyed these South Park quotes as much as I enjoyed gathering them.

Dr. Nikki Martinez, Lead Contributor
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