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Best South Park Quotes Full of Wit and Wisdom

Our collection of South Park quotes that might actually make you stop and think.

As South Park enters its 18th season, I can’t help but think back on all the laughable and teachable moments that it has provided us.

While some may think that it is simply a show that tries to be fair by taking equal shots at everyone (there is some truth to that), the greater point is to make us take a shot at ourselves.

Here are some of the great South Park quotes that might actually make you stop and think.

Inspirational South Park Quotes

1. “It never fails to amaze me how I manage to overcome adversity.” – Mayor, 208 (It should not amaze us, it should be our goal…it’s not magic)

2. “It’s all about moderation.” –Randy, 302 (IT really is Randy)

3. “Living is having ups and downs and sharing them with friends.” – Larry/Steve/Gorat, 218 (If we have even one or two people to do that with, we are lucky)

4. “I just realized that there’s a lot of painful times in life so I better learn to deal with it the right way.” –Stan, 714 (Good idea, then you will be prepared sooner than later)

5. “You can’t judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won.” – Sharon Marsh, 808 (No you can’t. Does everyone know that?)

6. “This book says I don’t exist unless I think I do. But what if I don’t?”- Kyle, 402 (I think he just learned he is a little young for existentialism)

7. “You didn’t want me to vote, you wanted me to vote for your guy!”- Stan, 808 (Sadly, more true than most will admit)

8. “Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I’m living proof…”— Eric Cartman

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9. “Well then don’t buy into this fad, Kyle. Be who you are. Not what’s cool.” – Chef, 708 (Truth!)

10. “It’s simple economics, son. I don’t understand it at all, but, God I love it.” – Randy Marsh, 809 (Who said we have to understand something to stand for it?)

11. “Lord, we thank you for this staggering payload of frozen waffles you have bestowed upon us. And since we have been faithful to you, we know that you will send us some good fortune one of these days, even though you sure as hell seem to be taking your sweet time. Amen.” – Stuart McCormick, 210 (We have to stand for something right?)

12. “Family isn’t about whose blood you have in you. Family’s about the people who cared about you and took care of you. We’re not the same blood, but I love my little brother. We’ve taken care of him because he needed us to, and that makes us more family than anything.” – Kyle, 715 (Sometimes family really is the people we choose)

13. “As you can see it appears that we are going down. Now would be a good time to reflect on your life and pray to whatever deity you believe in.” – City Wok/Airline Owner, 715 (On not waiting until the last possible minute for some much needed reflection)

14. Cults are dangerous because they promise you hope, happiness, and maybe even an afterlife, but in return they demand that you pay money. Any religion that requires you to pay money in order to move up and learn its tenets is wrong. You see, all religions have something valuable to teach but just like the Super Best Friends learned, it requires a little bit of them all.” – Stan, 504 (An interesting thought on any belief system)

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15. “I’ve wished every single day that I could go back to that moment when I was offered the job and say, “No!” Because all the fame and the money, the women—all it did was build me up, so that I could be knocked down harder than anybody in the world. That is what being in a boy band is all about, Stanley. Its people smothering you and embracing you and loving you and then spitting you out and throwing you away like you were last night’s pork chops! Now we wander the earth in disarray—us, New Kids On the Block, the Osmond’s. We’re all the same. And that is why you can’t go to the mall.” – Randy, 409 (On what it is to get things before we earn them and are ready for them)

16. “The only heaven we can hope for is one here on earth, now. We should stop waiting to get into heaven and start trying to create it.” – Randy Marsh, 612 (He may be onto something there)

17. “These children are depending on me to give them a future. I can’t do it without your guidance. Please! Help me, for them! For the future of our children!” – Ms. Choksondick, 412 (What most teachers must feel like)

18. “Twenty-two point three years. That’s how long it takes for something tragic to become funny.” – Kyle, 602 (At least we have an exact time now)

Also read these Black Mirror quotes from the Netflix series.

Funny South Park Quotes

19. “Just because your parents can afford better toys than ours doesn’t make you better than us!” – Stan, 706 (IT sure does not!)

20. “You must learn-a discipline and-a respect.”- Sumo Master, 304 (I think all of us should)

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21. “Shelley, you saved my life. And yet, you’ve done so much more than that. Today you’ve taught me the meaning of family. Sure, families don’t always get along, but when the forces of evil descend upon us, we conquer them, by sticking together.” – Stan, 105 (Yup, that is what family is for)

22. “There’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s called college.”- Chef, 204 (…and it should stay there….like Vegas)

23. “I’m afraid us adults just let you children down. We didn’t take care of our earth, and now you’ve inherited our problems.” – Randy Marsh, 908 (We did indeed. Is that it?)

24. “Saying good-bye doesn’t mean anything. It’s the time that we spent together that really matters, not how we left it.” – Mr. Adler’s fiance, 304 (So true. Everyone has a purpose and a meaning, no matter how brief)

25. “We followed blindly for thousands of years and we think the least God can do is show up for New Year’s Eve 1999!” – Uncle Jimbo, 316 (We were all ready to party like it was 1999!)

Did You Find Your Favorite South Park Quotes?

South Park seems to give us a firm dose of reality about our silent thoughts and beliefs that we would not dare say, or admit that we think.

The characters share without fear, to show us just how off-base and ridiculous things are at times.

By laying out their thoughts in the open, they are showing us how we can and should be living.

And if we accept it, there is wit and wisdom to be gained on many topics.

I hope you have enjoyed these South Park quotes as much as I enjoyed gathering them.

Dr. Nikki Martinez, Lead Contributor
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