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Step Brothers Quotes that Will Make You Laugh

Since the film’s release in 2008, these Step Brothers quotes have been making us laugh so hard we’re falling off our dinosaurs. 

The classic comedy, written by Adam McKay and Will Farrell, follows two immature adults (Will Farrell and John C. Reilly) who still live at home and are forced to live together when their parents get married.

Initially hating each other, the pair become united over their shared similarities and eventually become best friends. 

Just like another McKay/Farrell movie, Anchorman, the Step Brothers is a modern comedy cult classic. If you’re ready for a good laugh, check out these hilarious Step Brothers quotes below.

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Step Brothers quotes on knowing who you are

1.) “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale Doback

funny Step Brothers Quotes

2.) “Did we just become best friends?” — Brennan Huff

Step Brothers Quotes about friends

3.) “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” — Dale Doback

hilarious Step Brothers Quotes

4.) “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale Doback

Step Brothers Quotes that will make your day

Step Brothers quotes on friendship

5.) “You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.” — Derek

Step Brothers Quotes about friendship

6.) “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” — Dale Doback

7.) “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan Huff

8.) “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” — Brennan Huff

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9.) “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek

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Step Brothers quotes on making decisions

10.) “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale Doback

11.) “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” — Dale Doback

Step Brothers quotes to motivate you

12.) “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” — Dale Doback

13.) “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” — Robert Doback

14.) “Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale Doback

Step Brothers quotes for when you’re mad

15.) “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your ass.” — Brennan Huff

16.) “Your drumset is a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!” — Brennan Huff

17.) “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” — Brennan Huff

Step Brothers quotes on priorities

18.) “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale Doback

19.) “I’m fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale Doback

20.) “Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.” — Dale Doback

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More Step Brothers quotes and lines

21. “Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” — Nancy
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22. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”– Dale

23. “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan

24. “Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching cops.” — Brennan

25. “That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”— Dale

26. “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” — Brennan

27. “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”— Brennan

28. “So many activities!”– Brennan

29. “This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”— Dale

30. “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan

Best Step Brothers quotes

 31. “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” – Brennan

32. “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” – Nancy

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33. “They broke! The bunk beds were such a terrible idea why did you make us do it? There’s blood everywhere!” – Dale

34. “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” – Brennan

35. “I got a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh** on me?!” – Brennan

36. “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” – Brennan

37. “I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.” – Dale

38.“I don’t believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness.” – Dale

39.“I honestly, thought that I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said,” Lets get it on.” – Brennan

40. “I think I might be able to help with the pan-pam dilemma.” – Brennan

Which of these Step Brothers quotes made you laugh the most?

After the success of Anchorman in 2004, fans were begging for more McKay/Farrell comedy magic, and they did not disappoint.

In the eleven years since Step Brothers debuted, the film is still a staple in any comedy fan’s movie collection. 

So, whether you have a stepbrother that you love to hate or hate to love, or if you’re just a fan of good comedy, we hope you laughed out loud at this collection of Step Brothers quotes. 

Let us know your favorite quote in the comment section below! Also, if you enjoyed these funny Step Brothers quotes, don’t forget to share with your friends and followers.

Sckylar Gibby-Brown
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