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50 Clueless Quotes From The 90s Classic Comedy

Think you can find better Clueless quotes than these? Ugh, as if.

It’s been more than 25 years since Cher Harowitz and her besties enchanted our lives through the silver screen. Since then, Clueless went from hit 90s teen comedy to totally classic.

After all, what’s not to love about a film filled with iconic fashion, radical slang, and all the drama that comes with being a teenager.

This film, written by Amy Heckerling, starring Alicia Silverstone, and based on the Jane Austin novel, Emma, holds a special place in all of our hearts. And what better way to celebrate than with these totally classic quotes.

Don’t forget to also check out these Spaceballs quotes from the ridiculous comedy.

Totally classic Clueless quotes

1. “Ugh, as if!” – Cher

2. “I was just totally clueless.” — Cher

3. “I totally paused.” — Cher

4. “May I please remind you that it does not say ‘RSVP’ on the Statue of Liberty.” – Cher

5. “You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” – Tai

6. “Rollin’ with the homies.” – Tai

7. “No, she’s a full-on Monet. It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess” – Cher

8. “Dude, what’s wrong. You suffering from buyers remorse or something?” – Dionne

9. “Dionne and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials.” – Cher

10. “I’m audi.” – Cher

Best Clueless quotes from Cher

11. “Suddenly a dark cloud settled over first period… I got a C in debate?” — Cher

12. “Oh my god, I am totally buggin’.” – Cher

13. “Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there’s no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.” — Cher

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14. “Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged?” – Cher

15. “She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like to have people be jealous of us.” – Cher

16. “You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.” — Cher

17. “I feel like such a bonehead.” – Cher

18. “I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies.” – Cher

19. “Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex. And anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.” — Cher

20. “You are a snob and a half.” – Cher

Other Clueless quotes from Cher

21. “I’m not a prude, I’m just highly selective.” – Cher

22. “Isn’t my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.” — Cher

23.“I am totally butt crazy in love with Josh.” – Cher

24. “Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”— Cher

25. “Everything I think and everything I do is wrong.” – Cher

26. “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.” — Cher

27. “Christian said he’d call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.” — Cher

28. “I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M’s and like 3 pieces of licorice.” — Cher

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29. “Old people can be so sweet.” – Cher

30. “Okay, so you’re probably going, ‘Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?’ But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.” — Cher

31. “It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said, ‘Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.’” — Cher

32. “I don’t get it. Did my hair get flat? Did I stumble into some bad lighting? What’s wrong with me?” – Cher

33. “Wasn’t my mom a total Betty? She died when I was young. A freak accident during a routine liposuction.” — Cher

34. “Loadies generally hang on the grassy knoll over there.” – Cher

35. “That’s Ren and Stimpy. They’re way existential.” — Cher

36. “I had an overwhelming sense of ickiness.” – Cher

37. “Let’s do a makeover!” – Cher

38. “He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?” – Cher

39. “This is California, not Kentucky?” — Cher

40. “Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I’ve worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.” — Cher

Best Clueless quotes from Dionne and Tai

41. “Besides, the PC term is ‘hymenally challenged.’” – Dionne

42. “Cher’s saving herself for Luke Perry.” — Dionne

43. “If I’m too good for him, then how come I’m not with him?” – Tai

44. “Cher, I don’t want to do this anymore. And my buns, they don’t feel nothin’ like steel.” — Tai

More great Clueless quotes

45. “She could be a farmer in those clothes.” – Amber

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46. “Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.” — Mel

47. “He’s a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I’m saying?” — Murray

48. “I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid, and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonald’s who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.” — Travis

49. “You been jeepin’ around behind my back?” – Murray

50. “My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls are flying at my nose.” – Amber

What do you think is the most quotable line from Clueless?

It’s a common Hollywood strategy to take an old story and put some sort of modern twist on it. For some films, this strategy works really well. Just take a look at modern classics like 10 Things I Hate About You (based on Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew) and Bridget Jones’ Diary (based on Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice). And, for others, not so much. Looking at you, She’s The Man (based on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night).

Clueless is one of those films that sits at the top of that success pile. Heckerling put a refreshingly original twist on a classic story and made it her own. Charming, witty, inspirational, and heartwarming, Clueless has everything iconic films are made of.

Did you enjoy these Clueless quotes and lines? Which quote was your favorite? Let us know in the comments below.

Sckylar Gibby-Brown
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