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Zoolander Quotes to Make You Laugh

The Zoolander movie is one of the best hit action-comedy films ever made. These funny Zoolander quotes will make you laugh hard.

Considered to be one of the best comical creations ever, Zoolander is about a narcissistic male model named Derek Zoolander who is losing his career to his rival.

He was convinced to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia to get back his popularity and be offered more projects.

As the movie progresses, he faces various misadventures and mishaps with other characters, which makes the movie even better and interesting.

Many fans can’t help but laugh when they hear the funny statements that he exchanges with other cast members. Here are 50 quotes from Zoolander that you might find interesting and funny at the same time.

Don’t forget to also check out these Pennywise quotes from the scariest clown of all.

Best Zoolander Quotes

1. “You mean you can read minds?” – Derek Zoolander

2. “Eugoogiligist: A person who delivers eugoogiligies.” – Derek Zoolander

3. “I can Derelick my own balls, thank you.” – Derek Zoolander

4. “Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn’t mean that we still can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.” – Derek Zoolander

5. “Merman………. MERMAN!” – Derek Zoolander

6. “What is this? A center for ants?” – Derek Zoolander

7. “I’m just wearing my new look cold coffee” – Derek Zoolander

8. “There was a moment last night when she was sandwiched between the two finish dwarfs and the Maori tribesmen where I thought where I thought wow I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.” – Derek Zoolander

9. “And I’m not your BRA.” – Derek Zoolander

10. “What is this? A school for ants?!” – Derek Zoolander

11. “I think I’ve got the black lung, pop.” – Derek Zoolander

12. “Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking “wow, you’re ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.” – Derek Zoolander

13. “For god’s sake Derek, you were down there one day!” – Larry Zoolander

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14. “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.” – Derek Zoolander

Funny Zoolander Quotes

15. “Who are you tryin’ to get crazy with, ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?” – Hansel

16. “You’re dead to me, son. You’re even more dead to me than your dead mother.” – Larry Zoolander

17. “You think that you’re too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite….you aren’t.” – Derek Zoolander

18. “Put a cork in it, Zane!” – Derek Zoolander

19. “And it was. I’m totally fine! I’ve never even been to Mount Vesuvius.” – Hansel

20. “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.” – Derek Zoolander

21. “They’re the same damn look!” – Jacobim Mugatu

22. “Damnit Derek, I’m a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.” – Larry Zoolander

Zoolander quotes from other characters

23. “Hansel’s so hot right now, Hansel.” – Mugatu

24. “Obey my dog!” – Mugatu

25. “It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now!” – Mugatu

26. You is talking loco and I like it!” – Hansel

27. “One of my heroes I guess would be Sting. I mean, I don’t listen to any of his music, but I really respect that he’s making it.” – Hansel

28. “Destroy the Prime Minister of Malaysia!” – Jacobim Mugatu

29. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” – Mugatu

30. “I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it!” – Mugatu

31. “I’m bulimic.” – Matilda

32. “Why don’t you Derelick… my balls?” – Hansel

33. “I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut.” – Hansel

34. “I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree.” – Hansel

35. “Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine.” – Hansel

36. “Are you challenging me to a walk-off… Boo-Lander?” – Hansel

37. “Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero.” – Hansel

38. “The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that.” – Hansel

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39. “I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling?” – Hansel

40. “No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.” – Hansel

More Zoolander quotes and lines (good looking quote)

41. “So I’m rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahhh ahhh, I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize “Holy shit, Hansel, haven’t you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your head?” – Hansel

42. “I’m sorry that good looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.” — Hansel

43. “People come up to me all the time and say ‘you should be a model,’ or ‘you look just like a model,’ or ‘maybe you should try to be a man who models.’ And I always have to laugh because I’m so good looking. Of course I’m a model.” —Derek Zoolander

44. “Be professionally good looking.” – Derek Zoolander

45. “You know, I love modelling. I’d like to do this forever. When I’m 30, I hope I’m still modeling.” —Derek Zoolander

46. “I have problems with turns, because I’m left-handed, and they haven’t built a left-handed runway yet. I’ve done over 1,000 runway shows in my career, and if you put all those runways end to end, it’d be so long I couldn’t even walk down it without getting tired.” – Derek Zoolander

47. “I think the only good thing about it would be there’d be no turns.” — Derek Zoolander

48. “How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read… if they can’t even fit inside the building?” — Derek Zoolander

49. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend.” —Derek Zoolander

50. “Do what for a career?” – Matilda

Zoolander quotes to make you laugh out loud

51. “They’re break-dance fighting.” – Mugatu

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52. “If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.” David Bowie

53. “I’ve got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.” – Maury Ballstein

54. “When I was in 7th grade, I was… the fat kid in my class.” – Matilda

55. “Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” – Mugatu

56. “Oh, I’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!” – Mugatu

57. “Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?” – Mugatu

58. “Who are you tryin’ to get crazy with, ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?” – Loco

59. “I just thank the Lord she didn’t live to see her son as a mermaid.” – Larry Zoolander

60. “I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys… we’re a different breed.” – J.P. Prewitt

Which of these Zoolander quotes is your favorite?

With Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, and Will Ferrell in the cast, the 2001 movie has been welcomed by big-screen audiences with positive reviews, giving the director and the actors notable praises for their work.

The movie featured parts of short films that were directed by Russell Bates for the VH1 Fashion Awards in 1996 and in 1997.

The ending of Zoolander ended just as expected—light and still funny. Derek and the rest of the characters settled with a nice career and family life and have left the modeling industry to pursue a much better and satisfying lifestyle.

Although Zoolander is an action-comedy movie, one can learn a thing or two from its plot. It teaches the audience the value of perseverance, close family ties, trust, and friendship.

Did you enjoy these Zoolander quotes and lines? Which of the quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.

Stephanie Kirby
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