50 Funny Marriage Quotes Everyone Would Enjoy

No doubt, the funny marriage quotes listed here will make you laugh!

Since marriage is the most beautiful relationship, you can have more fun with your spouse by introducing some humor.

In fact, a wedding day is the most monumental day in the life of every bride and groom.

The funny marriage quotes also suggest that there are certain things that bring us close to each other.

Out of these, humor is a crucial element, which keeps our relationship fresh and pleasant. 

Since most of our marriages aren’t that perfect, we need to bring some funny and lighthearted moments into our lives.

For this purpose, you can read the funny marriage quotes that we have compiled just for our valued viewers. 

However, before going into the quotes section, let’s take a look at the ways to add humor to your wedding day speech.

If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement. 

Look through our complete collection of inspirational quotes here.

Top Ten Funny Marriage Quotes

We are starting off with some of our funniest marriage quotes. Take a look and see which ones make you laugh.

1. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill

2. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz

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3. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

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4. “I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito

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5. “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X–Rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

6. “I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” – Wendy Liebman

7. “The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause–live–TV button.” – Rick Reilly

8. “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash

9. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

10. “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” – Lily Tomlin

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Funny Marriage Quotes About Husbands

These next quotes are perfect for every husband! Do they describe you or the person you wish to marry?

11. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft

12. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen

13. “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner

14. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller

15. “Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” – Donatella in Letters to Juliet

16. “Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”– Janet Periat

17. “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” – Bill Maher

18. “My husband and I have never considered divorce…murder sometimes, but never divorce.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers

19. “In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.” – Ruth Bader Ginsberg

20. “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – Harry Burns

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Funny Marriage Quotes About Wives

These quotes will sure to make you laugh whether you are the wife or they make you think about your wife. Take a look and see what you think.

21. “After about 15 years I finally figured out that she’s always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.” – Barack Obama 

22. “We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.” – Henry Youngman

23. “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty–seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny

24. “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” – Henry Youngman

25. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” – Henry Youngman

26. “My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.” – Lee Judge

27. “Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.” – Joginder Singh

28. “She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.” – St Elmo’s Fire

29. “When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” – Molly McGee

30. “In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision–maker.” – Woody Allen

Funny Marriage Quotes to Bring Smile on your Face

This next set of quotes is sure to bring a smile to your face. Check them out and see which is your favorite.

31. “You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” – Rey Woodma

32. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” Prince Phillip

33. “No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” – Homer Simpson

34. “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” – Michelle Obama

35. “Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” – Chip Gaines

36. “Love is the same as life, except you feel sexier.” – Judith Viorst

37. “People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” – Tom Hanks

38. “Make sure you have date night even if it’s once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.” – Chris Hemsworth

39. “A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.” – Frank Sinatra

40. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

More Funny Marriage Quotes

We added these next quotes to bring some more laughs to your day. Do any of the quotes make you think of your own marriage?

41. “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”– Billy Connolly

42. “In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” – Rita Rudner

43. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin 

44. “She’s your lobster. Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” – Phoebe Buffay, Friends

45. “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.” – Mac MacGuff in Juno

46. “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” – Miles Davis

47. “Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” – Unknown

48. “Some mornings I wake up grumpy. And some mornings I just let him sleep.” – Anonymous

49. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” – Unknown

50. “A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” – Anonymous

Which One of these Funny Marriage Quotes Do You Like the Most?

We hope the funny marriage quotes in this article brought a smile to your face and made your day a little bit better.

These simple and funny quotes are based off of the funny things that happen in a marriage.

We tried to gather the most interesting and humorous quotes for your enjoyment and would love to hear your thoughts below.

We know you have some of your own funny stories to share as well.

Please share the post with your spouse and friends.

Post your comments or your stories in the comment section below to keep the conversation going.