25 George Carlin Quotes To Make You Laugh, Then Think

The world loved him for the way he could find humor in almost anything, and these George Carlin quotes about life and politics will make you think.

Ready for a laugh?

You’re in the right place!

There are few who are as influential as the great George Carlin.

What he has contributed to American culture, and humanity itself, goes beyond any earthly limitations.

Although his work of dark humor sparked controversy, Carlin presented witty and thought-provoking perspectives on our society that continue to echo throughout the world.

A true light like Carlin’s is never snuffed.

It survived through satirical words and the craftsmanship of evoking laughter, while sharing his wisdom with those around him.

These George Carlin quotes embody his infectious personality and whimsical outlook, offering a much needed dose of laughter, irony, and reassurance in this crazy and disorderly life.

Also check out our collection of Dave Chappelle quotes and sayings that are hilarious and insightful.

If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement. 

Look through our complete collection of inspirational quotes here.

Funny George Carlin quotes about life and love

1. “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” – George Carlin

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2. “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” – George Carlin

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Make sure to check out our collection of pet quotes that celebrate our animal loved ones.

3. “Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.” – George Carlin

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4. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

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5. “Electricity is really just organized lightning.” – George Carlin

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6. “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin

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7. “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

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8. “Just ‘cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean that the circus has left town.” – George Carlin

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9. “If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.” – George Carlin

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10. “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Carlin

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The best George Carlin quotes for a good laugh

11. “Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” – George Carlin

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12. “Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.” – George Carlin

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13. “Don’t just teach your children to read…teach them to question everything that they read…teach them to question everything.” – George Carlin

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14. “We’ve added years to life, not life to years.” – George Carlin

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15. “Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.” – George Carlin

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16. “Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.” – George Carlin

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17. “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” – George Carlin

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18. “When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts

.” – George Carlin

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19. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

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20. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

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Remember to also check out our collection of hilarious Talladega Nights quotes.

Quotes from George Carlin about politics and work

21. “I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.” – George Carlin

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22. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.” – George Carlin

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23. “Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” – George Carlin

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24. “We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.” – George Carlin

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25. “There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.” – George Carlin

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Don’t forget to also read these hilarious Rodney Dangerfield quotes.

Which of these George Carlin quotes made you smile?

Everyone is allowed to take a moment and laugh at life’s varying complications.

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We need those chances to let loose, find our grounding, and flush out our trivial worries.

Let the words of George Carlin inspire you to live a life full of love, courage, and happiness.

Use these excerpts as a reminder not to take things so seriously.

The next time you find yourself needing an escape from reality, read these George Carlin quotes and chuckle to yourself, knowing everything is going to be okay.

11 Comments
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11 Comments
  1. naces

    March 13, 2022 at 4:34 PM

    He didn’t believe in imaginary friends.

  2. Gurt

    July 9, 2020 at 2:20 PM

    My Personal favourite is “Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.”
    George made you feel both good and bad about yourself but had you laughing all the while

  3. MICHAEL ALAN STOOP

    May 5, 2020 at 3:36 PM

    can you imagine if george, bill hicks, robin and richard pryor were alive in the trump administration? unlimited material for years! and man do we need them now.

  4. John

    October 8, 2019 at 4:22 PM

    “Things you don’t want to hear; I’m Pregnant you’re the father and I’m going to kill all 3 of us!”

  5. Doug Reichert

    September 27, 2019 at 6:51 PM

    Saw George 4 times. The last being in April 2008. He died 2 months later. I also have a picture of he and i at the book signing of “Brain Droppings” He was good enough to sign my book and ALL of my vinyl albums that i brought too. I’ll cherish that forever

  6. Chris bartlett

    July 19, 2019 at 1:07 PM

    Quite a few of these are not George Carlin you really need to check your sources

  7. Ari JR

    June 17, 2019 at 10:23 AM

    #3 is misattributed, that’s much too “feel good” to have been anything Carlin would have said!

  8. Nel

    May 7, 2019 at 6:15 AM

    The best of the best he was and is.

  9. Patricia Bleasdale

    March 9, 2019 at 11:02 AM

    Love his humour and humanity

  10. Arthienyer

    July 19, 2018 at 4:06 PM

    Thanks Jeff. I remember the great humor and intellect of George Carlin. He is sorely missed.
    My favorite quote is: 47.) “I often warn people: ‘Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no ‘I’ in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an ‘I’ in independence, individuality, and integrity.” – George Carlin

    Everyday is a miracle!

  11. Koech Emmanuel

    June 26, 2018 at 12:21 PM

    Am Inspired and motivated, thanks and may God bles you.

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