35 Rodney Dangerfield Quotes and Famous One-Liners

These Rodney Dangerfield quotes are still popular even after the famed comedian has been gone for more than a decade.

The standup comedian’s humor was generally focused on self-deprecation and making fun of family life which earned him a loyal and appreciative audience since he started entertaining clubs and comedy bars in the ’60s in New York.   

His most notable catchphrase was “I don’t get no respect!” on which most of his jokes were based. 

Rodney Dangerfield was born on November 22, 1921, in Deer Park, New York.

Besides stand-up comedy, he was also an actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author.

Dangerfield died on October 5, 2004, following a month in a coma due to complications from heart valve surgery.

Here are 50 of Rodney Dangerfield’s famous quotes and one-liners from his days as an actor and comedian which won the hearts of his fans. 

Check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily inspiration. 

If you enjoy this collection, check out our inspirational quotes category page.

Memorable Rodney Dangerfield quotes

1. “Boy what a hotel that was. Why, they stole my towel!” – Rodney Dangerfield

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2. “For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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3. “I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a slingshot.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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4. “I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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5. “I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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6. “I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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7. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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8. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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9. “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” – Rodney Dangerfield

10. “My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Hilarious Rodney Dangerfield quotes

11. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield

12. “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” – Rodney Dangerfield

13. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous. Everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield

14. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps … from moving cars.” – Rodney Dangerfield

15. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield

16. “The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.” – Rodney Dangerfield

17. “My mother had morning sickness after I was born.” – Rodney Dangerfield

18. “My uncle’s dying wish: He wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.” – Rodney Dangerfield

19. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!” – Rodney Dangerfield

20. “My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield quotes that will make you laugh out loud

21. “What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm.” – Rodney Dangerfield

22. “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.” – Rodney Dangerfield

23. “My wife’s not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. She said, ‘All kids smell that way.'” – Rodney Dangerfield

24. “Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, ‘No, but I did get the license number.'” – Rodney Dangerfield

25. “Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes 

26. “I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they’re the last to know.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

27. “When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin’ from one end to the other.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

28. “I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn’t see the mouse trap.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

29. “I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house…so he moved.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

30. “I went to look for a used car and found my wife’s dress in the back seat.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

31. “My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

32. “I figured out I’m bisexual. I have sex twice a year.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

33. “I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

34. “Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

35. “We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

Did you enjoy these Rodney Dangerfield quotes

The humor of Rodney Dangerfield became widely known when he was invited to The Ed Sullivan Show in the late ’60s to perform his standup act which triggered more invitations to perform to bigger audiences and famous venues in glitzy Las Vegas. 

Rodney Dangerfield’s fame also earned him movie deals including “Caddyshack” in 1980 where he starred with Bill Murray and Chevy Chase.

Since then, the signature Rodney Dangerfield quotes and one-liners have become staples for standup comedy fans. 

Rodney’s success with his self-deprecating humor tells us all a lesson. 

We shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously.

And sometimes, when life is not as perfect as we all wish it should be, it doesn’t hurt to laugh at our unfavorable situations, brush them off and move along.   

Which of these Rodney Dangerfield quotes and lines is your favorite?

Do you have any other quotes to add?

Let us know in the comment section below.