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50 Spaceballs Quotes From The Ridiculous Comedy

Of all the movies that are quotable, Spaceballs is pretty high up there on the list. We hope you enjoy our list of the most quotable Spaceballs quotes.

This hilarious, fourth-wall-breaking, 1987 space spoof on the well-loved Star Wars films has carved itself a spot on the Hollywood classics list.

Just like all of Mel Brooks’ work, Spaceballs is outrageously funny, goofy, and filled with quotable lines. And even though some jokes don’t hold up to the test of time, we still love this film overall.

These Spaceballs quotes are sure to replay this classic film in your head and have you laughing out loud in no time.

Don’t forget to also check out these Dune quotes from the novel that reshaped science fiction.

The best Spaceballs quotes

1. “May The Schwartz Be With You.” — Yogurt

2. “Ludicrous Speed, Go!” — Dark Helmet

3. “I bet she gives great helmet.” — Dark Helmet

4. “God willing, we’ll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.” — Yogurt

5. “That was my virgin-alarm. It’s programmed to go off before you do!” — Dot Matrix

6. “There’s only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Starr!” — Dark Helmet

Spaceballs quotes by Dark Helmet

7. “WHAT? You went over my helmet?” — Dark Helmet

8. “You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let’s see how well you handle it.” — Dark Helmet

9. “And what have we got on this thing, a Cuisinart?” — Dark Helmet

10. “We’re At Now Now.” — Dark Helmet

11. “I Knew It! I’m Surrounded By A**Holes.” — Dark Helmet

12. “So The Combination Is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That’s The Stupidest Combination I Ever Heard In My Life!” — Dark Helmet

13. “So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.” — Dark Helmet

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14. “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!!” — Dark Helmet

15. “What have I done?! My brains are going into my feet!” — Dark Helmet

16. “F*ck! Even in the future nothing works!” — Dark Helmet

17. “Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don’t mean your pals in the Winnebago.” — Dark Helmet

18. “Commence operation [pause] “Vacu-Suck”!” — Dark Helmet

19. “I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted!” — Dark Helmet

20. “Now we’ll show her who is in charge of this galaxy.” — Dark Helmet

21. “So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. Well, you were wrong. You are now our prisoner and you will be held captive until such time as all the air is transferred from your planet… to ours.” — Dark Helmet

Spaceballs quotes by Lone Starr

22. “Buckle up back there, we’re going into…”Hyperactive”!” — Lone Starr

23. “We’re not just doing it for money…We’re doing it for a shitload of money!” — Lone Starr

24. “Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?” — Lone Starr

25. “Helmet. So, at last, we meet for the first time for the last time.” — Lone Starr

26. “Spaceballs? Forget it, too dangerous. Besides, I’m already numero uno on Dark Helmet’s hit list.” — Lone Starr

27. “You Listen! On This Ship, You’re To Refer To Me As ‘Idiot,’ Not ‘You Captain.’ I Mean … You Know What I Mean.” — Lone Starr

Spaceballs quotes by President Skroob

28. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That’s amazing! I’ve got the same combination on my luggage!” — President Skroob

29. “The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.” — President Skroob

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30. “Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big?!” — President Skroob

31. “I told you never to call me on this wall! This is an unlisted wall!” — President Skroob

32. “Where the hell are we, Paris?!?” — President Skroob

33. “Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t make decisions. I’m a president!” — President Skroob

34. “One pod left and three of us and I’m the President. Well, boys, it’s a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it.” — President Skroob

Spaceballs quotes by Dot Matrix

35. “Not in here, Mister. This is a Mercedes!” — Dot Matrix

36. “It’s either the 4th of July or someone’s trying to kill us!” — Dot Matrix

37. “We’ll have none of that mister! How far did he get? What’d he touch?” — Dot Matrix

38. “Here I am! I’m sorry! I had to make a pit-stop! I’m so excited that I couldn’t hold my oil.” — Dot Matrix

39. “Goodbye, virgin alarm.” — Dot Matrix

Spaceballs quotes by Barf

40. “Look your highness, it’s not that we’re afraid, far from it. It’s just that we’ve got this thing about death; it’s not us.” — Barf

41. “I’m a Mawg. Half-man, half-dog. I’m my own best friend.” — Barf

42. “They’ve gone to plaid!” — Barf

43. “I’ll have the cleavage, I mean the special.” — Barf

Other memorable Spaceballs quotes

44. “No, no, no, stupid, you’ve got it much too high. It’s down here where the shoulder meets the neck.” — Megamaid Guard

45. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness Princess Vespa, daughter of King Roland going right past the altar, heading down the ramp and out the door!” — Minister

46. “I’ve lost the bleeps, I’ve lost the sweeps, and I’ve lost the creeps.” — Radar Technician

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47. “My Hair! He Shot My Hair! Son Of A B****.” — Princess Vespa

48. “Excuse Me, I’m Trying To Conduct A Wedding Here, Which Has Nothing To Do With Love! Please Be Quiet!” — Minister

49. “No Sir, I Didn’t See You Playing With Your Dolls Again!” — Colonel Sandurz

50. “It’s Mega Maid! She’s Gone From Suck To Blow.” — Colonel Sandurz

Did these Spaceballs quotes make you laugh?

51. “Keep firing, assholes!” — Lord Dark Helmet

52. “I can’t breathe in this thing!” — Lord Dark Helmet

53. “What the HELL was that?!” — Barf the Mawg Co-Pilot 

54. “Who made that man a gunner?” — Lord Dark Helmet 

55. “Fuck! Even in the future nothing works.” — Lord Dark Helmet 

56. “But Yogurt, what if I never see you again?” — Lone Starr Space Bum

57. “Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with Strawberries.” — Lord Dark Helmet 


59. “How many Asshole’s we got on this ship, anyhow?” — Lord Dark Helmet 

60. “I lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps and I lost the creeps.” — Radar Technician

Are you a Spaceballs fan

Mel Brooks has a talent for making movies so bad that they’re good, and Spaceballs may be the best in his collection. Featuring the talents of Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, Daphne Zuniga, and John Candy, Spaceballs is a movie that is still making people laugh more than 30 years after its theatrical debut.

Whether or not you’re a fan of sci-fi, if you’re a fan of the outrageous, the stupid, and the goofy, then you are probably a fan of Spaceballs, too.

Did you enjoy these Spaceballs quotes and lines? Which quote was your favorite? Let us know in the comments below.

Sckylar Gibby-Brown
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