215 Witty Quotes That Will Strike Your Funny Bone

These witty quotes will give you a motivational push and a bit of humor. 

Tell us which witty quote is your favorite in the comment section below.

Having wit means you are intelligent but in a funny way!

Researchers at the University of Western Ontario found that people who could produce creative and witty responses also tended to have higher IQ scores.

The findings highlight the strong correlation between intelligence and the ability to generate clever and imaginative witty quotes.

What Are The Benefits Of Reading These Witty Quotes?

Developing witty characteristics certainly has its benefits:

• People like witty people more
• Wit makes you seem both smart and relatable
• Witty people are quick thinkers and can navigate many situations

Witty people put others at ease.

Therefore, people gravitate towards witty people and look at those with wit as leaders in their environment. 

There are many traits that a leader should have.

While inspirational, motivational, and charismatic are all traits that come to mind first, another important characteristic is the ability to be funny.

Leaders often need to lead others in stressful or unfavorable situations, and sometimes they have to deliver bad news.

A leader who cannot see the humor in life may appear harsh and may demotivate their team, whereas a leader who is witty may feel more trustworthy and, therefore, more capable.

See if these witty quotes strike your funny bone.

Also, check out our list of John Mulaney quotes that will remind you laughter is the best medicine.

If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement. 

Read more related content on our inspirational quotes category page.

Wise And Witty Quotes

A study by the University of California, Berkeley, discovered that participants rated as funnier also performed better on verbal intelligence tests.

This suggests that individuals with an aptitude for using witty quotes and humor may have a more advanced ability to manipulate language and express complex ideas.

1. Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith

You will also enjoy our article on funny inspirational quotes.

2. “A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig

3. “A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire

You will also enjoy our article on wise sayings.

4. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

5. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck

6. “A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson

7. “Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” – William Congreve

8. “Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell

9. “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman

10. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” – Wayne Dyer

You might also like these naughty quotes for when you’re tired of being nice.

Funny Witty Quotes

People with a knack for quick and insightful connections between seemingly unrelated concepts often exhibit advanced cognitive abilities.

This is a hallmark of wit and suggests that highly intelligent individuals may be more adept at generating witty quotes to express clever insights.

11. “The important thing to remember is not to forget.” – Benny Bellamacina

12. “We tend to get what we expect.” – Norman Vincent Peale

13. “The world hates change yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.” – Charles F. Kettering

14. “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.” – Confucius

You will also enjoy our article on your intelligence.

15. “Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.” – Howard Aiken

You will also enjoy our article on unique quotes.

16. “One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” – Robert Heinlein

You will also enjoy our article on insanity quotes.

17. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown

18. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Robert Brault

19. “The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.” – Josh Lanyon

20. “When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.” – Xondra Day

Inspirational And Witty Quotes 

21. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

22. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

23. “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

24. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius

25. “Dreams don’t work unless you do.” – John C. Maxwell

26. “To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill

27. “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln

28. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

29. “A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank.’” – Robert Heinlein

30. “A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein

Witty Quotes About Friendships And Relationships

31. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

32. “Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.” – Dennis Sharpe

33. “So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.” – Holly Hood

34. “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” – John Foster Dulles

35. “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

36. “Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns

37. “Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” —Leslie Nielsen

38. “Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet

39. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen

40. “It’s far better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington

If you’re enjoying this article, you might also like these colorful blue quotes that will delight your senses and spark creativity.

Motivational Witty Quotes

41. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

42. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James

43. “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino

44. “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

45. “Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

46. “The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.” – Michaelangelo (See more Michaelangelo quotes)

47. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

48. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain

49. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball

50. “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” – Henry Ford

Don’t forget to check out these smile quotes to elevate your mood.

Other Witty Quotes And Sayings

51. “A technicality I’m prepared to hide wildly behind.” – Jim Butcher

52. “I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.” – Charles de Gaulle

53. “It is safer to beg than to take, but it is finer to take than to beg.” – Oscar Wilde

54. “Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.” – Philip José Farmer

55. “My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.” – Lisa Kleypas

Witty Quotes About Humor, Fools, And Other Situations

56. “Wit is the lowest form of humor.” — Alexander Pope

57. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” — Doris M. Smith

58. “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” — William Shakespeare

59. “Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.” — Stan Laurel

60. “Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.” — Enid Blyton

61. “Every habit makes our hand more witty, and our wit more handy.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

62. “Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.” — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

63. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” — Margaret Mead

64. “Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” — Otto von Bismark

65. “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.” — Robert Benchley

Witty Quotes About Wit

66. “Your wit makes others witty.” — Catherine the Great

67. “Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” — Francis Bacon

68. “A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.” — George Meredith

69. “You can pretend to be serious; but you can’t pretend to be witty.” — Sacha Guitry

70. “A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.” — Christian Louboutin

71. “Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” — William Congreve

72. “A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.” — Cyrano de Bergerac

73. “Though lust do masque in ne’er so strange disguise she’s oft found witty, but is never wise.” — John Webster

74. “Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.” — Antoine Rivarol

75. “Such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves.” — Thomas Hobbes

Witty Quotes Applicable To Life

76. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.”  – Oliver Goldsmith

77. “You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression.”  – L.M. Montgomery 

78. “Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.”  – Burt Reynolds

79. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

80. “An intellectual solves a problem. A genius avoids it.” – Albert Einstein

81. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.” – Bill Cosby

82. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”  – Groucho Marx

83. “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali

84. “Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it’s always, who’s responsible for this?”  – Jerry Seinfeld

85. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.“ – Flip Wilson

Witty Quotes And Sayings That You Can Relate To

86. “The literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”
― Albert Camus

87. “Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” ― Criss Jami

88. “This is the fast lane, folks…and some of us like it here.” ― Hunter S. Thompson

89. “If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.” ― Amit Kalantri

90. “Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.” ― Honore de Balzac

91. “Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.” ― Robert A. Heinlein

92. “I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” ― Suzanne Wright

93. “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” ― Bertrand Russell

94. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” ― Bertrand Russell

95. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ― Dorothy Parker

Short Witty Quotes

96. “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” – Phyllis Diller

97. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

98. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

99. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins

100. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter

101. A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball

102. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot

103. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin

104. “The truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth.” – Ryan Cooper

105. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley

Witty Quotes For Instagram

106. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

107. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott

108. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

109. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson

110. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

111. “I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” – Steven Wright

112. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried

113. “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James

114. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

115. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres

Short Witty Quotes That Will Put A Smile On Your Face

116. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ― Mark Twain

117. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” ― Dalai Lama

118. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” ― Groucho Marx

119. “We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.” ― Samuel Beckett

120. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Fred Allen

121. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ― Sam Levenson

122. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ― Ashleigh Brilliant

123. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” ― John Wayne

124. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” ― Bryan White

125. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” ― Steven Wright

Witty Quotes To Make You Think Sharply

126. “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.” ― Mark Twain

127. “Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.” ― Abraham Kaplan

128. “A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” ― Milton Berle

129. “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” ― J. Paul Getty

130. “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” ― Erica Jong

131. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” ― Frank Sinatra

132. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov

133. “Silence is argument carried out by other means.” ― Che Guevara

134. “I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.” ― George Bernard Shaw

135. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” ― Steven Wright

Sarcastic Witty Quotes

136. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

137. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

138. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

139. “You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

140. “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” – Cecilia Egan

141. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” –Lily Tomlin

142. “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.” – Will Rogers

143. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms

144. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” – P. J. O’Rourke

145. “Zombies eat brains, you are safe.” — John Stewart

Witty Quotes To Encourage About Life

146. “Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.” — George Eliot

147. “A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.” — George Dennison Prentice

148. “One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.” — Jane Austen

149. “Wise are my ways witty my actions” ― N A Parnham

150. “Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.” — William Hazlitt

151. “As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest blabbers.” — Plato

152. “If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching.” — Lord Chesterfield

153. “Wit is the appearance, the external flash of imagination. Thus its divinity, and the witty character of mysticism.” — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

154. “Think of something clever, witty or profound, keep it short and people may quote you.” ― Bobby Darnell

155. “It was the day he learned that smart, witty girls were brighter than sunlight.” ― Olivia Fuller

Witty Quotes To Offer You A Motivational Push

156. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas A. Edison

157. “The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.” — Linus Pauling

158. “I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.”— Woodrow Wilson

159. “Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” — Will Rogers

160. “Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty.” — Thomas Sowell

161. “Age is just a number. It’s irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” — Joan Collins

162. “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” — Frank A. Clark

163. “You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up.” — Andy Sorkin

164. “You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.” ― Amit Kalantri

165. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” — Steven Wright

Witty Quotes To Trigger Your Thoughts

166. “People who can’t be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.” ― George Eliot

167. “Do you know why the number two hundred is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It’s your weight and my I.Q.” ― Lex Luthor

168. “To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.” ― Andre Maurois

169. “That and the music was blaring. So loud that the radio station asked if they could keep it down as they cared about the safety of their listeners.” ― J.S. Mason

170. “Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another’s wit.” ― Christian Nestell Bovee

171. “Being funny, it turns out, is like being a bank. It’s a confidence trick. As long as everyone believes in you, you are fine.” ― Evan Davis

172. “He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable.” ― Emma Goldrick

173. “Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation.” ― Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

174. “If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!” ― Ljupka Cvetanova

175. “If you were half as funny as you think you are, you’d be twice as funny as you really are.” ―  H.N. Turteltaub

Witty Quotes To Add A Spark To Your Day

176. “No on said life was easy – there are always challenges, and hurdles along the way that must be overcome.” ― J.D.Rockefeller

177. “Happy are those who have given up worrying once and for all.” ― Ovid

178. “We need to accept that most things in life are beyond our control, but they are generally good.” ― D. S. Pandit

179. “The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed.” ― Sebastien Chamfort

180. “Having children gives your life purpose. Right now my purpose is to get some sleep.” ― Reno Goodale

181. “In youth we want to change the world. In old age we want to change youth.” ― Garth Henrichs

182. “Life teaches you many lessons, many good, some bad. Just learn from the good and forget the bad.” ― J.D.Rockefeller

183. “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” ― Michelangelo

184. “The most important things in life that are free are common sense, knowledge, and opportunities. If you acquire one of the three, the others will fall with in your grasp.” ― Jean Watson

185. “Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster too.” ― Richard Kauffmann

Witty Quotes That Creates Humuor

186. “If I had a dollar for every time someone called me crazy, I’d build a mental asylum and check them into it one by one.” ― Omar Cherif

187. “Mine is the hand-me-down duffle coat of Wit.” ― Robert Wringham

188. “was glad to be off the hook, which had been the second time that week as she had recently broke an addiction from fishing on the nearby bay” ― J.S. Mason

189. “He also would be traveling soon as he heard that the best deals on baby furniture were in The Cribbean.” ― J.S. Mason

190. “had his fingerprints taken and coffeemug shot taken from all four angles of him sipping a cup of coffee” ― J.S. Mason

191. “I can remember the days, said the Gin-and-Ginger-Ale, when every other girl you met stood about six feet two in her dancing-shoes, and had as many curves as a Scenic Railway.” ― P. G. Wodehouse

192. “I will never tire of saying bludgeoned. I bet you used to say that a lot in the police, you lucky thing.” ― Richard Osman

193. “Must read…five amazing stories based on five very different women in five very different situations….a read you won’t forget in a hurry” ― Darren Moore

194. “Horrifying deeds awaits the dim-witted horse with no legs.” ― Florin-Marian Hera

195. “her hips were having an argument with the upper half of her body as to who was to get more eye contact” ― J.S. Mason

Witty Quotes To Teach You Life Experiences

196.  “which is why mimes are rarely invited to birthday parties, as the gifts they gave were usually invisible boxes.” ― J.S. Mason

197. “The Goblin was too well bred to wink; besides, being a stone goblin, it was out of the question.” ― Saki

198. “Don’t judge a book by its cover because the criminal justice system is already overcrowded as it is.” ― J.S. Mason

199. “a day which had a summer face and a winter constitution” ― Thomas Hardy

200. “Live the journey, learn the lessons, regret not.” ― Shelley Brown

201. “Faith can move mountains; true: mountains of stupidity.” ― André Gide

202. “Friendship equals no appointment required.” ― Shelley Brown

203. “even when written in a solid white line consideration is still a two-way street.” ― J.S. Mason

204. “Screw the social ladder. Choose to levitate.” ― Omar Cherif

205. “The voice was unexpectedly attractive…common in descriptions, rare in experince.” ― Thomas Hardy

Witty Quotes On Life

206. “What I stand for is what I stand on.” ― Wendell Berry

207. “It’s better to be contemptuous than to be contemptible!” ― Lucy Carter

208. “One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.” ― Mark Twain

209. “He’s short, but his cheekbones are so high he can barely reach them.” ― J.S. Mason

210. “Civilization begins with distillation.” ― William Faulkner

211. “I’m not good at writing letters, even though I just wrote eighty-two of them in this one sentence alone.” ― Karl Kristian Flores

212. “Never stop acquiring the common sense, it is as good as the knowledge.” ― Amit Kalantri

213. I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West

214. “Always schedule your comeback.” ― Brooke Bida

215. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!” ― Charles M. Schulz

Which Witty Quote Was Your Favorite?

There are many benefits to fine-tuning your witty talent.

Beyond making you likable and trustworthy, wittiness strengthens your intelligence and helps you be more creative.

Being put on the spot to come up with witty banter will make your brain work harder and therefore make you more capable during stressful moments. 

Hopefully, these witty quotes help spark the wit in you.

Come back to these quotes whenever you’re looking for a motivational push and a bit of humor. 

Did you enjoy these witty quotes and sayings?

If so, you will also enjoy these Puns Quotes and witty Quips and Quotes!

Do you have a witty quote you would like to share?

Let us know in the comment section below.